¡Ask a Mexican!

¡Ask a Mexican!: Dear Mexican: Looking back recently on my distant youth in northwest Ohio, I came to the realization that the sweetest, most beautiful girl this gabacho ever went out with (indeed, in my entire senior class) was the pure-blooded daughter of Mexican immigrants. Am I under the sway of 1) simple nostalgia; 2) racist exoticism; 3) premature senility; 4) a deep sense of loss for what might have been? Please help, before I start reading Proust!  — Couldn’t Help Wondering  Dear Gaba ... [MORE]

by Gustavo Arellano | 7/1/2009

Dear Uncle Mat

Dear Uncle Mat : This spring I met a guy at Hooters. Yes, Hooters. He was totally hot and a big flirt. He asked me out and even though my friend warned me that he was a player, I said yes. The first date was great and the sex was right on par. We continued to hang out for the next three weeks. Then we went to a “mushroom cuddle” party. I was unaware that was the theme of the party but went along with the mushrooms and tried to enjoy myself. Unfortunately, I vomited up my shrooms and wasn’t very high. My new guy ... [MORE]

Free Will Astrology

column: ARIES (March 21-April 19): Time to diversify your energy sources, Aries. It’s as if you’ve grown too dependent on oil — metaphorically speaking — and have neglected to develop relationships with wind turbines, solar panels, natural gas, and other mans of generating power. What if in the future — metaphorically speaking — oil becomes scarcer or wildly expensive? And what if, over the long haul, its byproducts degrade your environment? I suggest you start now to expand the variety of fuels you tap ... [MORE]

Dear Uncle Mat

Dear Uncle Mat : I wrote to you last year regarding my own personal problems involving women upon entering my senior year. Now a proud high-school graduate, I can say your advice helped to make my last year one not completely lacking female promiscuity. That said, I’m writing you with a new question, seeing as you were very helpful last time. A friend of mind showed me an entry from an article online which offered an explanation for why many women are attracted to the jerk rather than the nice guy: “It ... [MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

¡Ask a Mexican!: Dear Mexican: You once asked why Mexican bands don’t hit it big in the good old US of A.  I think the simple answer is that there are no Mexican Mouseketeers. You don’t get to be Justin Timberlake by picking a guitarrón.  Slater from Saved by the Bell doesn’t count. The real question is why Disney, a company that started with its first big park in Anaheim and introduced us melanin-deficients to topiary and churros, denies its Mexican heritage?  — Paddy O’Furniture ... [MORE]

by Gustavo Arellano | 6/24/2009

Free Will Astrology

column: ARIES (March 21-April 19): Reality TV personality Spencer Pratt used to be skeptical about the power of prayer. But his wife Heidi, herself a devout believer, urged him to keep his mind open. Then, as an experiment, Spencer asked God to help him and Heidi get a double date with teen pop star Miley Cyrus and her boyfriend, despite the fact that neither of them even knew Cyrus. Apparently God heard and responded, because not too long after that, the hoped-for double date did indeed come to pass. I ... [MORE]

by By Rob Brezsny | 6/24/2009

Artist in Residence Vol. IV