Monday, January 13, 2014

The Style Dossier on How to NOT Get Sloppy Drunk

Posted By on Mon, Jan 13, 2014 at 2:35 PM

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Don't let these get the best of you. (Courtesy)

Let's be honest for a minute ladies and gents, if you signed up for the Cocktail Conference this month you probably planned on getting a little more than tipsy, am I right? We knew it. Now, we know that the main reason for this conference is to try a million and one cocktails that you haven't tried before, but we're here to save you from looking like Lindsay Lohan. Seriously its not cute, nobody likes a hot mess. Don't go down the road to Tackytown. Take a detour and read this to help yourself  NOT get sloppy drunk.

1.) Check yourself before you wreck yourself:  If you know the night or day your going to be having ahead of you will consist of more than one drink, plan on taking it slow. We all know drinking faster will get you drunk quicker, but that's a sure way to make you a human puke machine before 10 pm. Nobody likes to babysit (we all know this) so drink sllloooowlllllyyyyyy. It's not a race its a marathon. Just remember you have all night, or at least till midnight in most cases.

2.) Have a calorie feast: This just means EAT BEFORE YOU DRINK!! This just might be the most important rule to remember. Never, and we do mean NEVER, drink on an empty stomach. We get it, you want to stay fit. That's what the gym is for, not the salad bar before a night of hitting up all the bars. You won't make it to 2 cups of Jungle Juice before wanting to call it quits. If your dinner was a handful of almonds, expect to be hugging the toilet by the end of the night. Instead, order that double cheeseburger and spring for some fries too. You won't regret it.

3.) Get on that H20 game: Having a glass of water between drinks doesn't make you a loser. It makes you smarter than all those amateurs pounding back cherry vodka sours and taking fireball shots like "a boss." Matching a glass of water with the drinks you have is a good way to make sure you don't become "that girl". You know that girl. She's the one crying in the corner, or yelling at the bartender, or even worse, dancing on the bar when you're nowhere near Coyote Ugly. It's alright to know that girl, just don't be that girl.

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Don't let these get the best of you. (Courtesy)

4.) Know your limit: Bottom line. If you feel like you're about to go Linda Blair on the person next to you, you've probably had to much to drink. We all know when were "feeling good" but if you take it to the next level and your friends have to carry you out of a bar because you thought it was a good idea to have seven donkey punch shots in a row (not speaking from experience) well that's no bueno. Things to consider:

  1. Stand still. Is the room spinning?
  2. Can you feel your teeth?
  3. How many times have you said "Oh my god, I love you!" in the last minute?

If your answers were: Yes, No, and more than seven...you're drunk. Stop drinking immediately!

5.) Be snobby: This is probably the only time we will ever suggest you do this, but if you're set on not having a pounding headache in the morning you might want to consider it. We all know the girls that say "I don't drink beer" or whatever. You can be selective about your liquor. Top shelf liquor and clear liquor have less congeners (which is just a fancy word for chemicals that add flavor and color to alcohol). These liquors will still get you drunk but you'll have less of those sucky side affects in the morning.

6.) Avoid that hangover: And if you're a rebel and think " To hell with all these rules! All I want to do is get drunk and not care!" Well, first off we would suggest that you calm the hell down before you go down the road only Amanda Bynes has traveled. Since you're gonna be difficult we decided to go ahead and give you some alternate options that will free you to drink all night and not have a hangover in the morning. your options are:

  1. Pop a multivitamin, like B12 before you start drinking to replenish what's lost from alcohol
  2. Take some milk thistle (sold at your local drug store) before bed
  3. We swear by this one, the holy grail, Chasers Plus. Keeping hangovers away for years. Pop one before you go out on the town.

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