Here in Texas, we had the Brisket Bandit
. Up in Maryland, a state that's not Texas, the brisket crimes take a more gristly turn.
According to a police log published in The Andover Townsman
— Maryland has some classy newspaper names — someone called the police on July 13 to report what looked like a human torso just chilling on the side of the road. But when police went to investigate, they discovered that it wasn't a dismembered human body part. It was just a cut of beef from the lower chest of a cow. In other words, it was just a brisket.
A caller from North Main Street reported at 12:38 p.m. that there was an item on the side of the road that looked like a torso. The responding officer reported that “it was a brisket.”
It doesn't appear that the authorities are investigating why so much delicious meat was apparently tossed aside and wasted when there are so many people in the world who could use a good smoked brisket right now.