Columns

¡Ask a Mexican!: Special Narco Edition

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 2/3/2010

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: How can a formerly proud Latina like myself feel proud to be Mexican again after my beloved relative was murdered in Mexico by narcos while visiting? I still have love for my heritage, and I understand that many Mexican people live in desperate situations because they have no opportuni...[MORE]

¡Ask A Mexican!: Special Taco Bell Edition

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 1/27/2010

Types: Columns

Why do so many Mexicans work for Taco Bell and El Pollo Loco? Don’t they know they only add a false credence to the belief that this is Mexican cuisine? The bastardizing of the truly great and diverse food of Mexico by the money-hungry corporations of the U.S., I feel, contributes to the overall mis...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 1/20/2010

Types: Columns

Dear Readers: Siempre, the wisest words that appear in this column come from ustedes, y the following two cartas prove this maxim. The first one addresses my year-end column, in which a working-class gabacho insisted his people apapachan a Mexicans mucho:  Half-Mexican here. I was fortunat...[MORE]

¡Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arrellano

Published: 1/13/2010

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: I’m surprised by the choice of the word “amnesty” by those who would demonize immigration reform, especially in the South. Doesn’t the modern well-being of many Southerners derive in some way from their ancestors’ having sworn to amnesty oaths, both before and after the Civil War? Isn’...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 1/6/2010

Types: Columns

SPECIAL BEST-OF EDITION Dear Readers: The Mexican is still trying to shake off the Herradura from the previous year, so I’m reprinting this week a favorite column of mine from el pásado. To make up for my siesta, though, I’m bringing back the YouTube edition of this column, where I’ll take the ...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 12/30/2009

Types: Columns

SPECIAL YEAR-END EDICIÓN Dear Mexican: Why in the hell does everything have to be in English and Spanish? I ride the bus/train to work (not because I must, but because it’s more efficient) and every time someone requests to stop, you hear “Stop Requested,” then this parrar bullshit! Not to...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 12/22/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: Can you recommend a solid, accessible history of California and Arizona so I can learn what really happened when the U.S. gobbled Aztlán?  — La Chica Confundida  Dear Wabette: The holistic classic in this genre is Rodolfu Acuña’s Occupied America: A History of Chi...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 12/16/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: I’m an Asian female, and for some time now I’ve been fascinated by the Mexican culture. I find Mexican males to be very attractive. Their food, language, and music are just amazing! How much of a chance do I have dating a Mexican hombre if I’m Asian? — Muchacha China Curiosa ...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!: Special Virgen De Guadalupe Edition

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 12/9/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: As a Chicano/Mexican, I have lost my faith in God. While they take pride in their country like everyone else, and like to make frequent jokes, Mexicans are generally very humble (poor) people. Isn’t God supposed to be on the side of the poor and humble? Why is it that Mexico always los...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 12/2/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: I used to frequent a cantina in Chicago where half of the bar was Polack, the other half beaner. The Polacks would speak in their native tongue and either start or finish all of their sentences with the word kurwa. I understand this to mean “whore” in their language. On the other half ...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!:

SPECIAL LONG-LETTER EDITION

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 11/25/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: I live in a little village in England in a house that’s 200 years old, just down the hill from a tiny church that’s so old that it was actually built before God said “Let there be light,” thus proving that Stephen Hawking is a blowhard. The only industry around here, apart fr...[MORE]

¡Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 11/18/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: Why oh why do most Mexican-American women cut their long, black hair after reaching the pivotal age of 40? Not only do they cut it, but they then proceed to cut it short and dye it all shades of the most unnatural hair color for Mexicans: red. My own madre is guilty of this offense, an...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 11/11/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: Whenever I see an ad for a Mexican ramera, they always describe themselves as “spicy.” Are Mexican women hiding habaneros in their panochas?  — Concha Curious  Dear Gabacho: “I wish I could say that ‘Mexican Spitfire’ Lupe Velez was to blame for the ‘spicy’ e...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 11/4/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: Why do beaners or gabachos deliberately try to ignore white people and act like they’re not there, or when you’re walking by, the lady beaners laugh so hard with a repulsive fake laugh that makes you want to just punch them? Not only I have noticed this, but a lot of other people say t...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 10/28/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: For most of my life I was oblivious to the hate that Mexicans have for Salvadorans. I became aware of it when I made the huge mistake of marrying a Salvi. Once I became engaged to my Salvi girlfriend, or whenever I would tell any Mexican that I married a Salvi, I was bombarded with so ...[MORE]

Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 10/21/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: As teachers, we’ve been exhorted to expand our efforts in closing the achievement gap between majority and minority students (read: Anglos and Mexicans). I teach all of my students in the best ways that I can determine for each individual student, within the constraints of a classroom ...[MORE]

Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 10/14/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: An uninsured wetback just hit my car and totaled his. He had no insurance and no license, but did have a nice cell phone. I asked him if he was OK in my limited Spanish, but he did not ask about me or my children. He was handcuffed and taken away to be booked for one hour to get his re...[MORE]

Ask A Mexican!: Special Wedding Edition

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 10/7/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Readers: Since the Mexican’s sister is getting married to a good man from Zacatecas this weekend, I must ignore my research archives to slaughter a pig and hire a banda sinaloense. So indulge yourselves in some piratería questions I ripped off from my book, and await my return next semana! ...[MORE]

Ask a Mexican

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 9/30/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: As a Mexican-American, I’ve lived in St. Louis for about 17 years and have seen a substantial influx of my brethren. Nevertheless, I’m for border security — against the no-good, godless Canadians. I hate Canadians! Funny accents and cold weather — ha! Why is America not closing the Can...[MORE]

Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 9/23/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: In Garfield strips in the funny pages that appeared earlier this year, Garfield is wearing a sombrero and taking siestas. While cute and all, isn’t that the sort of thing that we have been striving to stop? What was Jim Davis thinking? Maybe he needs a refresher course in not making pe...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 9/16/2009

Types: Columns

We gabachos get differing reports regarding the Reconquista. Some say it’s a genuine movement, well under way. Others claim it’ll never happen, but that it’s useful as a slogan that both antagonizes white America and energizes young Mexicans. Let’s say for now that it’s a genuine movement destined f...[MORE]

Ask a Mexican!

Published: 9/9/2009

Types: Columns

SPECIAL EL EDITION Why do Mexicans make the sign of mucho dinero with a gap between their thumbs and index fingers, as if holding an imaginary wad of bills between both fingers?  — El Zorro Chupagringos  Dear Gabacho-Sucking Fox: Because if a pendejo like you can get the g...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 9/2/2009

Types: Columns

I am a 22-year-old Mexican-American woman, still living with my parents, but going to college, working full-time and taking care of myself financially. I grew up in a very traditional Mexican household, youngest of four kids, and we were all ...[MORE]

¡Ask a Mexican!: SPECIAL TWO-LINERS EDITION

By Gustavo Arellano

Published: 8/26/2009

Types: Columns

Dear Mexican: A gabacho in the local daily suggested that some of our prisons be outsourced to Mexico to save us some money. What are your thoughts? Would wabs make for good guards looking after homies and white-trash inmates? Have a chew on that taco. — Mike the Mick f...[MORE]