1. The Kiss-Ass
Usually a freshman, this student tries to absorb everything the teacher says and immediately after class rushes to talk to the teacher for 15 extra minutes about what was just covered.
Behaviors include: sporting the latest and greatest North Face backpack, functioning as a walking Office Depot and speed-walking to the next class (queue action music).
2. The Beer Bro
Beer Bro stays up all night drinking with his friends and suffers for it when he crawls into class. This person usually brags about how they got “SOOOO WASTED” last night. But come on, it really isn’t that cool, man.
Traits include: droopy eyes, water bottle with Alka-Seltzer and sleeping through class.
3. The Buzzer
Everyone knows one and you might be one—don’t lie. You know, the one whose phone buzzes every two minutes, either with a text from the sweetheart or a Twitter mention.
Behaviors include: looking down at their phone 75 percent of the time during class and smiling at, well, who knows what.
4. The Social Crusader
This character is involved in everything and tries to get you to join the club he’s trying to start up. He has good intentions (indulge him every now and again) but not everyone is cut out for everything.
Traits include: confident, peppy and most likely wearing some club’s shirt.
5. The Typist
People don’t care if you bring your laptop to class for notes, but come on: Is it really necessary to slam down on the keyboard trying to type every word that comes out of the professor’s mouth?
Behaviors include: eyes glued to the laptop screen, cracking fingers due to nonstop typing and taking that quick glance-away-from-the-screen-and-widen-the-eyes break.
6. The Genuinely Nice Guy
Not to sound harsh, but this person is a dying breed. Nowadays, almost every guy makes fun of something or someone. They don’t start conversations or help out. You’ll know when you meet this guy, there’s a big difference between a nice guy and total d-bag.
Behaviors include: flashing a bright smile to nearly every life-form in the classroom while disregarding cliques.
7. The Stoner
Need I say more? You can look at this person’s Twitter or Instagram and immediately conclude, “Yup, this person is high.” When they stumble into class you’ll think, “How are they even passing?”
Traits include: bloodshot eyes, inappropriate giggling and delayed reactions.
8. The Brooding Loner
Let’s imagine that Christian Slater’s character from the 1988 film Heathers [spoiler alert] survived that bomb blast and actually went to college. That’s the brooding loner. At first, you think he’s totally nice and he’ll offer you that I’d-like-to-get-know-you cigarette. But once he’s got your attention, he’s generally bad news. Just don’t get ahead of yourself, he’s not going to pull out a gun on the jocks or poison your best friend, hopefully.
Behaviors include: distancing himself from the crowd and staring off into space, probably plotting how to sabotage his next victim.
9. The Sorority Sister
OK, next movie recap. What comes to mind when you think of Mean Girls in college? Sororities. Whether it’s when they disbanded and became nice girls or as if Cady never helped the band of Plastics see the error of their ways. It’s either/or, but you’ll be able to tell.
Traits include: confidence and an un-daunting stride across the quad that screams “Sorority Greek.”
10. The Fraternity Bro
Ever heard of “brostep?” It’s basically dubstep times 10: ten times louder and 10 times more obnoxious. A typical “frat bro” likes to drink and break stuff while partying.
Traits include: snapback, backwards cap, letterman jacket and khaki shorts.
11. The Sexually Curious
College means trying new things, including sexual experimentation. Finding out who you are and what you like is important, so it makes sense that many people are bi-curious or bisexual. The ultimate conclusion of sexuality usually comes after graduation.
Behaviors include: doing the quick up-and-down of nearly every person (male or female) that passes by and having that locked-down stare at the hottie across the room.
12. TOA (The Over-Abbreviator)
It’s 2014, we’re fully aware of abbreviations in our digital social lives, but what is it when you incorporate abbreviations into actual speech? It’s weird. GDI SMH.
Behaviors include: phone in hand at all times, sitting with the biggest group in class and being loud.
13. The Club Crawler
We have our 21-and-up crowd in college, and that might be a bit of a problem. First off, you can legally drink now, so that’s a downer on your grades. Also, you can get into clubs AND drink. It’s a mix for disaster if you’re going out every night. Every once in a while is OK, but you don’t want to OD on the club life.
Behaviors include: walking into class with shades on, sporting a last-minute outfit and messy hair that recalls the previous night.
14. The Drama Queen
This may be distinctive to an art major or theater buff: you like show tunes. We get it. But you don’t have to sing Wicked lyrics from the top of your lungs.
Traits include: Broadway-themed T-shirts and vocal cord warm-ups.
15. The Politician
It’s college and students more or less grasp the idea of politics and how it affects them. But this person is a know-it-all, which includes “knowing” how the rest of us are complete idiots who just “don’t get it.”
Traits include: signature crisp, white button-down (tie optional) and Twitter updates about the latest news.
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