Dear Uncle Mat 

Here is a question for you: The guy you have been dating for over a month now invites you to join him at a nudist camp for the weekend. Do you go?

I knew he was a nudist, but I didn’t realize that he would ask me to join him so soon, or ever, I suppose. Neither he nor I have what you would call great bodies, but he assures me we will fit right in. He also mentioned that it is a mixed group and women will be there, too. I understand that it isn’t about sex, but I am not sure I would be comfortable. How do I tell him no? If I do go, what do I wear to the place? It all seems so odd and freaky to me.

Please put yourself in my shoes and tell me what Uncle Mat would do.

— Shy Guy 

Dear Shy Guy,

What shoes? I’m naked and on my way! I’d go, but I am exhibitionist at heart. Once you stand on a stool in an examining room while four interns, a resident, and the surgeon take turns locating your hernia, you lose your inhibitions about these things.

I don’t think nudity is ever mandatory at these places. At least not the public ones. They call it “clothing optional.” I suppose it would be more awkward to be the only dude in clothes, though.

If you’re not comfortable with being naked in public, just say so. I doubt he expects you to jump out at the camp in a floorshow first thing. Ask him about his first time. I am sure he expects you to need a little adjustment period upon arriving. If you two have a good relationship forming, he should be supportive, and hopefully he makes you feel at ease.

If this is a favorite way for him to vacation, you are going to need to try this out or find him a new hobby. I think hanging in the woods naked and carefree is an important thing to have in common, or a good common understanding for, if this relationship is going somewhere.

Much luck and a little sunshine on your ass,

Your Uncle Mat

My boyfriend wants for us to get matching tattoos. Not matching exactly, but complementary and at the same time. We’ve been together for over three years, so I am not worried about regretting the tattoo for him, but I am scared of what my family will do. Neither of us has a tattoo and this would freak them out. We are quiet, good college kids in their minds. Tattoos are what sailors, convicts, prostitutes, and celebrities have, not us. My parents, and definitely grandparents, would probably disown me. My boyfriend knows this about my family, but feels I am over-dramatizing their reaction and thinks we should get them in discreet places, and we’ll be fine anyways. I’m torn.

Thanks. 

Dear Thanks?

I have tattoos and I am not a sailor, a convict, or a celebrity! My mother was a bit angry at first and didn’t want to see them, but she got over it. Families don’t really disown people anymore. I mean, you are not sitting at home on top of a dowry, waiting for your dad to pay some dude to take you off of his hands. Or are you?

If you think they’d stop paying for college or something, tell your boyfriend to hold out till you have your diploma in your hand, but then I say go for it. Just don’t let him get a tramp stamp, or tattoo his name or a picture of his truck across your ass. Pick something aesthetically pleasing and tasteful to you. You are young and you are going to change, so get something you can look at when you’re 50 without wincing, or won’t be embarrassed to show your third husband.

A tattoo is a personal way of marking your body with an emotion, idea, or moment. Get the tattoo because you want it and for no other reason.

Much love and luck,

Your Uncle Mat

Is it bad to masturbate? Some people had told me that masturbating is wrong.

— Confused Guy 

Dear Confused Guy,

No.

Much fun and more fun,

Your Uncle Mat

Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at dearunclemat@sacurrent.com, myspace.com/yourunclemat, or check out the Dear Uncle Mat Page on Facebook. Your true identity is safe with him.


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