Dear Uncle Mat,
I am 24, single, and always have been. Single that is. I am not what I would call a player, but I do have my fun. I met a guy last week, and I think I truly like him. We slept together and it was good. Not the best I have ever had, but damn good, and he was fun to hang out with. I am comfortable with being gay, but have never had a lot of interest in shacking up with another guy and playing house. I just don’t get that. I didn’t like having a college roommate, so I can’t imagine myself sharing a house with a dude. I have thought that this might change when I am older or something, but not sure what to do about it now. It just seems strange if you know what I mean. Anyways, I’m in foreign waters here. I want to hang out with this guy all the time. We have already screwed around three times in the last week and hung out on Saturday just having beers and watching some TV. He suggested that we do that again this weekend, and I could stay the night. He is still in school, but lives on his own off campus, so it’s a cool situation. He used to have a boyfriend, so I know he is looking for another. I guess that could be cool, but just wondering what I should do. Thanks dude.
I am 35 and have been single most of my adult life, but you kind of sound like a freak. You don’t want a relationship, but after three dates want to know how to register at Macy’s? Are you a lesbian?
Congratulations on finding a guy that you like. It really isn’t such a big deal. Boys fall for boys all the time. Birds do it, bees do it, etc. Stop sweating the details, and enjoy it. Keep having sex with him since that seems to be working for you both. He may be your future husband, and you’ll be taking a second mortgage to buy a third orphan child before you know it, and he may just be the flavor of the month or year as opposed to the week. Time will reveal this, and thinking isn’t really going to help you out here. Let your penis and heart do the work.
Assuming he wants a new boyfriend because he has an old boyfriend is just silly. You’re not a TV or car. He may think you are just a hot piece of rebound ass that likes the same version of Law & Order and brand of beer. I mention this not to be cruel, but to point out that you shouldn’t count your matching tool belts before they are picked out. Pay attention to his actions toward you. You don’t want to be a replacement for some other dude who got away. You want to be the brand-new shiny dude of his dreams.
If you want to keep the young man interested and hanging out, you may need to do more than pop open a beer and drop your shorts. It’s called courting or dating. In addition to sexually pleasing this chap, you may wish to offer some alternative displays of affection and kind gestures. There are plenty of masculine dude things you can do like buy him a new baseball cap, take him to a sporting event, or change the oil on his car.
All of this and none of this means you have to live with him. You can be boyfriends without sharing a postal address. People do this all of the time. In fact, the moving in together thing is often a matter of convenience in relationships. I am not being cold here and talking about shared electric bills, though that is a nice bonus. I am referring to the point in the relationship where you are spending almost every night together and it is inconvenient that you keep all of your crap in different locations — when you can’t find a belt or a pair of shoes because you don’t know whose car, closet, or bedroom floor it could possibly be on.
I hope this has helped simplify the dating world just a little. If it doesn’t, go ask your best friend or therapist why it is a self-accepting happy homosexual can’t picture himself happily living with another man.
Much love and love,
Your Uncle Mat
Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org, myspace.com/yourunclemat, or check out the Dear Uncle Mat Page on Facebook. Your true identity is safe with him.
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