Savage Love


I was honored to speak at JCCSF — Jewish Community Center of San Francisco — last week as a part of their "Uninhibited: About Sex" lecture series. The audience submitted questions on cards, which were ably put to me by Jourdan Abel, who was wearing a wonderful uterus-themed sweater. (Check out my Instagram account — @dansavage — to see Abel's sweater!) Here are some of the questions submitted by the uninhibited JCCSF audience that Abel and I didn't manage to get to during our conversation.

I had the best sex of my life with my ex. He fucked me hard, had a huge cock, and made me eat his come with a spoon. I loved it. Needless to say, we were incompatible in other ways. My current BF is vanilla. Very. Vanilla. When I masturbate, I think about my ex and can't help but wish my current guy would make me slurp his come up from a utensil. We are very compatible in other (non-sex) ways. Am I doomed to fantasize about my ex?

You are — unless you open up to your current BF about what's missing in your sex life and/or get his permission to get your hard-fucking/spoon-feeding needs met elsewhere.

Is Savage your real last name? It's mine, too! My mother kept her maiden name, I took her name, and she's a sex therapist! We're both huge fans. Could you say hi to Dr. Linda Savage? She'll die!

Hi, Dr. Linda Savage! Please don't die.

What is the one thing that concerns you most about the current political climate/election cycle?

Donald Trump getting the Republican nomination. I'm not at all concerned about the potential destruction/implosion of the GOP — those fuckers have it coming — but with the likelihood of political violence. I'm concerned that black and brown people — Mexicans, Muslims, African Americans — will be subjected to more political/social/economic violence than they already are. People will die as a direct result of Trump getting the GOP nomination. This is a terrifying moment.

What kind of sexual fluid or act would you name after Donald Trump?

Trump, as I pointed out in a previous column, already has an alternate/more accurate meaning. There is no authority higher than the Oxford English Dictionary, and here's what you'll find under "trump" at oed.com: "in reference to a sound like a trumpet ... the act of breaking wind audibly." So remember, kids, when you see Donald Trump standing in front of a microphone ... Trump isn't talking. He's trumping.

What is the etiquette when it comes to social media and open relationships?

It all depends on the preferences of the couple/throuple/quad/squad in question. If a particular couple, etc., wants to maintain the appearance of being monogamous, if they want to avoid stigma, judgment, freaked out parents, etc., then they're not going to want evidence of their open relationship popping up all over Facebook and/or Instagram. If there's internal disagreement in a particular couple/throuple/quad/squad about keeping things quiet on social media, not outing the person(s) who want to keep things discreet may be the price of admission their other partners have to pay.

What was your favorite aspect of the orgy held in honor of your 50th birthday?

The fact that I wasn't invited. #NotAnOrgyFan

"Uninhibited: About Sex" continues at the JCCSF through the end of May. Upcoming speakers and events include Esther Perel, Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, Nicole Prause, Jules Howard, films, poetry readings, and live musical performances. For a full schedule of events: jccsf.org/arts-ideas/uninhibited.

On the Lovecast, power poly kinkster Allena Gabosch on poly complications: savagelovecast.com


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