Savage Love: Accepting Desire 

I'm a 36-year-old hetero male, into BDSM and polyamory. I've been drinking deep from the bowels of the internet lately, getting laid more than I ever thought was possible. I'm open about the fact that I fuck around a lot and that monogamy would never work for me. I use condoms with everyone except my primary partner, and I abide by your campsite rule. I don't want to be anyone's wonderful husband; I want to be the Casanova who climbs in through the window. Last week, the internet was good at delivering. Usually I can talk to 10 women who all seem interested, but in the end, only one or two want to actually meet. But last week, I had sex five times in five days with five different women. And that just made me feel awesome, turned on, and wonderful. Is there a term for someone who gets turned on by finding new people to have sex with? Have I discovered a new kink? Is there a name for people like me? If there is, I couldn't find it. Google failed me. Can a person have a kink for finding new sex partners? What would it be called? Or am I just a slutty man-whore?

Dude Drinking Deep

I don't think "drinking deep from the bowels of [blank]" is a good way to describe something you enjoy, DDD. Watching a GOP debate? Perhaps best described as drinking deep from the bowels of the terrifying American id. Enjoying consensual sex with people you're into? Better described as "drinking deep from Aphrodite's honeyed mouth" or "licking Adonis's jizz off Antinous's tits" or simply "killing it"—really, anything would be an improvement.

As for what your kink is called...

"What DDD describes is consistent with a motivational style once called Don Juan syndrome," said Dr. David Ley, author and clinical psychologist. "It has also been called Casanova or James Bond syndrome. Essentially, these are folks most excited by the quest/hunt for novelty in sex partners. This was once viewed as deeply dysfunctional from a heteronormative, monogamy-idealizing therapeutic culture. What I appreciate about DDD is that, even though he uses sex-addiction language, it's clear he has accepted himself and his desire. I'd say he has adapted fairly well, and responsibly, to that tendency in himself."

I just posted a new word on the Physician Moms Facebook group and was told that I should send it to you. I got tired of hearing "She's got balls," so I made up a new word, clitzpah (klit-spe) noun: a woman with guts!

Origin of clitzpah: clitoris (kli-te-res) noun: an organ of the female genitalia, the purpose of which is purely to bring women pleasure, and chutzpah (hu̇t-spe) noun: a Yiddish term for courage bordering on arrogance.

I hope this is useful!

Jill Becker,

It's a lovely word, Jill — and I'm happy to help you roll it out!

On the Lovecast, Dan and a doc from Planned Parenthood answer your medical questions:

@fakedansavage on Twitter


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