Happily married straight woman here, just post-hysterectomy. No penis-in-vagina sex allowed for a few weeks. After years of reading Savage Love, we know this is a call for us to be creative, rather than the death knell for our sex life. (Thank you!) My question: Husband is well-endowed, and sex with him has often included deep thrusting and his cock repeatedly touching my cervix. With no cervix anymore, though, I worry: Will there be enough room in my remodeled space for his whole cock? Once I’m fully healed from surgery, will the vaginal tissue, treated gently at first, stretch?
—Very Agitated Generally
“When a person has a hysterectomy, the cervix is often removed and the end of the vagina is closed so it’s an internal pouch, essentially,” said Dr. Leah Torres, an ob-gyn practicing in Utah with a special interest in reproductive health. “The bottom line is this: Vaginas are elastic and should be able to accommodate a variety of things of all shapes and sizes, even after a hysterectomy. That said, people who are menopausal (no periods for 12 months or more) or who have had their ovaries removed (which may or may not happen during a hysterectomy) no longer have estrogen.”
Estrogen, among other wonderful things, keeps vaginas elastic and lubricated. “Without estrogen, sometimes the vagina can feel dry and intercourse can be painful,” said Dr. Torres. “For someone without estrogen and also experiencing VAG’s concerns, I would recommend using lubrication with intercourse (when the time comes) and possibly vaginal estrogen cream while the vagina ‘readjusts.’ It’s also important for the partner to realize that the vagina may feel a bit different and there may be some adjustments to new sensations. Patience and a steady-as-she-goes attitude to postoperative vaginal intercourse are best.”
Patience and a steady-as-she-goes attitude—two things we should all bring to any sexual encounter.
My boyfriend is turned on by CFNM—clothed female, naked male—and his “ultimate fantasy” is to be naked in a room of fully-clothed women. So I asked four of my (adventurous) female friends if they would come to a small party at my apartment where my boyfriend would be naked. When I told him that his ultimate fantasy would be coming true—doesn’t he have the best girlfriend?!?—he got really angry and said I had no right to share this information and that he felt humiliated and exposed. (Humiliated and exposed—I thought that was the whole point of CFNM?!?) He was so angry, he barely spoke to me for a week, which sucked, and then today he asked me when the party is going to happen! Have a party?!? All I want to do now is slap him!
—Wants To Flip
Tell him the party is off, WTF, absent an apology and an explanation from him. But you should open with an apology of your own: Tell him you should’ve checked with him before setting up the party (“Do you want me to make this happen? Because I have some friends who might be into it”) and apologize for freaking him out. You know now (because I’m telling you) that people who are into humiliation scenes want to be in control until the scene starts, i.e., involved in the negotiations and the setup, and actively consenting.
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