Sovereignty bequeaths oblivion currency, shitface 

Too hot

In this socially fragmenting age of online alienation, Queque hungers.

In the overly exploited world of worship, we thought surely a to-be-unearthed flavor would call to us. Yet, we found your neighbor’s brand too oppressive (read: raw woolen undies); the rock-n-roller church’s double bass drum destabilizing; and the feel-good chanters a wee ethereal. But in Leon Valley, we’ve run out of options. The city’s ban on new church construction in high-traffic zones seems specifically targeted at us – God’s forsaken Goldilocks.

No wonder our heart leapt when we saw Bandera Road’s Church on the Rock had been seized and placed up for auction. None of the affiliated churches knew anything about the sale, however, including the funds-challenged former ‘Rock’ church, now known as Emmanuel Worship Center. But reliable secular authorities informed us that we’d need a $60,000 cashier’s check just to enter a bid.

For their part, city officials aren’t against church. They’ve just had their fill of the 1990’s church boom that tax-exempted so much of their most valuable property. “We are inundated by `tax-` exempt properties out here,” says Melinda Smith, director of community development. “There was a joke that we needed to change our name from Leon Valley to Church in the Valley.”

However, time is limited. If the auction house can’t pawn the property off on a new brand of celebrants by late October, the property’s zoning will return to commercial and breast augmentators will have an interesting structure to work with.

Speaking of domes

Is it just us, or has the world grown more secret-y?

CPS Energy knows coal, but hasn’t outfitted a nuclear plant.

NRG Energy hasn’t built any nukes, either.

Still, lack of experience may not stop the tag-team from jointly taking on construction of the first new nuclear plants the country has seen in 30 years.

So, go figure that when Queque got wind of plans to double the two-plant South Texas Problem... er, Project (Forecast: irradiated Homer Simpson in beer goggles.), we got curious.

Visions of billboards praising our civic-mindedness wafted through our nog. However, CPS flaks dourly informed us their file room was full of “proprietary information,” offering instead a Powerpoint presentation. We made our own popcorn and viewed it at home – alone and unchurched.

Meanwhile, Homeland Security finally responded to our May 17 request for information about a cancelled inspection by the UN’s special investigator (or Rapportuer, ooo la la).

Jorge Bustamante had visited the borderlands in Arizona and California back in May, inspecting U.S. Border Patrol operations along the way. He toured the Florence Detention Center in Florence, Arizona.

But he never saw Hutto.

A meticulously negotiated tour of T. Don Hutto Family Residential Facility in Taylor was cancelled days before the scheduled visit. Again, Queque wanted to know all about it. But all INS would tell us was how many “residents” Hutto sported (360 in April, down to 286 in May, with an expected increase of variability as the world enters a high-level system of extreme militarized dumbshitization.) Reason given to the American Civil Liberties Union for the cancelled tour was “various operational reasons.” A clear light breaks.


Now we’ve always taken pride at never offering advertorial content to our readers under whatever colorful guise others may ladle it on with (a new car?). When AT&T offered certain effervescent favors should Queque take to peddling the benefits of sharing email traffic with federal snoops, we plugged our ears.

When NRG Energy tried to ply us with radium-luminated luxury watches for a good word on nuke power’s resurgence, we chortled.

When Joe Blues’ proprietor poured us a stiffie and pledged most soothingly to make it all all right … we, um, said some things we may regret, but didn’t bore you with the details.

Alas, dear reader, this week we found ourselves powerless against the wily ways of Travis County District Court Judge Orlinda Naranjo who ruled Monday TxDOT could keep on spending tax money to sell toll roads to the public despite a lawsuit brought by the most ambitiously titled Texans Uniting for Reform and Freedom.

Decide for yourself if the following PAID ADVERTISEMENT is so egregious that our state transportation heroes should be denied their own personal freedom to whore. Use that whiskery voice of oatmeal peddler Wilford Brimley. We’re told it adds “authenticity of experience.”

“Toll Roads are a healthy, reasonable alternative to the tax-funded cobbleways our government sticks us with. The mere process of stopping and starting a vehicle at foreign-owned toll booths – you know that exhilarating 70-to-zero fit-and-start experience sure to free a gridlocked soul – is proven to enhance cardio-vascular experience in men and women over 60. Pink-lunged youngun’s, though encouraged to restrain from unnecessary breath, enjoy flinging loose change into our friendly, wide, yellow baskets. Heck, bring the whole jar. And, remember, you can plunk your change yourself, or we’d be glad to plunk it fer you. Tollways are more than road – they’re a revenue resource. Lord knows, Texas prides itself on resources. Heck, we even gorge on ’em.”

Ah, the wit and wisdom of a morally asphyxiated agency.



Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.