Spittin’ Game 

Ninja Gaiden II
(Tecmo)
Xbox 360
$59.99

At its best moments, Ninja Gaiden II will make you soil your Bruce Lee bedsheets. The improved combat system for this third-person slasher features severed limbs, horror-show blood spattering, and downright unsettling death-throe animations. Defeated ninjas, wizards, and m.f.’ing werewolves will writhe on the floor, wagging their bloody stumps in ways that would make Quentin Tarantino squirm, and expansive combo moves and shiny weapons will have you feeling like an action-movie badass.

To get to those moments though, you have to endure a lot of unnecessary frustration. Bad camera angles will kill you more often than bad guys — you frequently end up fighting a monster you can’t see, and in an intense battle, the
auto-cam jump-cuts like Michael Bay on crystal meth. The many, many boss fights are satanically difficult even on the easiest level, and made infinitely more lame by invisible walls and repetitive pre-rendered and unstoppable enemy
attacks. Experienced
button-mashers may have a
ninjagasm, but many gamers will just find one more thing to feel bad about.

Summer Sports: Paradise Island
(Destineer)
Nintendo Wii
$39.99

Croquet on the Wii? I think Destineer must be staffed by wish-granting genies. Summer Sports offers this tea-time classic, along with other “action-packed” games like lawn darts, miniature golf, and horse shoes. If they’d thrown in watching “The Wheel” and talking about the consistency of your last B.M. in a restaurant they could’ve called it The Old People Olympics.

To be fair, Summer Sports isn’t all senior-center rec, it also includes more active games: badminton, basketball, and volleyball. Casual-gaming fans looking to supplement Wii Sports could do worse, but inconsistent and unresponsive controls plague the less active games and make the quicker-paced games almost completely unenjoyable. Volleyball and badminton offer no real method of ball placement and shooting baskets is harder than in real life. Just go play outside, for god’s sake.

SURF’S
UP>> A PITHY GUIDE TO RIDING THE WEB

notalwaysright.com: When employed in customer-service, you often come across demanding people who say things that make you laugh, cry, yell, or wish you had written them down. This website compiles those outrageous quips and confusing quotes to remind us that employees are people too.
Relieve some stress and giggle at the silly things that come out of arrogant/ignorant grownups’ mouths, or add your own memorable customer moment.


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