I was inspired by the Open Letters on page 47 of this week’s SA Current, which tells a slew of media players to “go away. Forever.” The MTV show Teen Mom was on the list, so I knew I had to finally break down and do the unbearable by watching it. Nielsen ratings show that the Teen Mom 2 season premiere averaged 3.6 million viewers, with 3.4 million viewers in the 12-34 age bracket, breaking MTV network records. Young people are watching it, and this scares me. Enter my 41-minute dose of reality hell that I will call “Teen Mom 2: A Non-Breeder’s Nightmare.” Watching this program made me an informed media consumer who could adequately bitch about it. Here’s the breakdown, so you don’t have to watch it yourself: Kailyn — living in the basement of her boyfriend Jo's parent's house. They fight a lot, in part because Jo is quite the young jerk, so they break up. She tells her friend she “feels awkward being there.” Gee, you think so? Jenelle — her mom is staking claim to her grandson, in part because Jenelle is a disrespectful brat who wants to go out all the time. Mom says, "Take care of your child." She yells at her mom, "I don’t give a fuck what you think! He is my child not yours." But she doesn't take care of him. She takes off with her friends. Take that mom! Leah — got preggers with twins after being with her hicktown boyfriend for only a month. DATING FOR A MONTH! PREGNANT WITH TWINS! DAMN! She does what any rational girl with twins does: she cheats on him with her ex. What a winner. He breaks up with her, and yet she still gets sad when he doesn't go to her graduation. Like, omg! Chelsea — she moves into her own place but the baby “diarrheas herself” and Chelsea just freaks out and calls her mom. Her dad is paying her rent but she has to keep her grades up. She can't concentrate or get the internet to work so she and her roomie go shopping. Yay! None of the teen moms are with the fathers, with the exception of the one with twins who is trying really hard to get him back. A 17 y/o with twins is not a hot commodity in the teen-dating world. On what would have been their one-year anniversary, she makes him dinner and gives him a card. He cries and says, “Fuck my life.” Yeah, it’s that bad, son. Everyone has a lip piercing or a hole where the piercing used to be. I think this is one of the casting requirements. I don’t want to say these girls are white trash, but I’m going to, so there. Watch the show. You’ll know right away what I mean. There are lots of acne commercials, some of which should be replaced with Planned Parenthood PSA’s. The main problem I have with this show is that young girls who watch it might think, “I really want to be on TV. I should get pregnant too.” NO! Parents, if your kids are watching this, please talk to them about safe-sex practices. Tell them about family planning and the importance of college or at least a job once they finish high school or get a GED. Teens with babies should not be on television and / or be interviewed by Dr. Drew; they should be taking care of their offspring and working on developing their own fully-formed brains.
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