Saturday, October 9, 2010

Bad Advice with Jay Whitecotton

Posted By on Sat, Oct 9, 2010 at 6:34 PM

I have no credentials. No scholarly knowledge that will help guide your needs or even point you in a positive direction. My only asset is an unquestionably awesome track record of failure that I hope will serve you some sort of mild benefit

besides you always learn more from bad examples... and they are WAY more fun.

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... sometimes ...

Dear Whitecotton I’m really interested in dropping out of school and pursuing a career as a Rock Star! Do you have any guidance in this matter? – Eve W. Absolutely. First let me ask you a few questions. Do you have any musical talent whatsoever? Integrity perhaps? Maybe even a sober disciplined work ethic? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above than you are clearly wasting your time. I highly suggest attaining a sense of undeserved self worth, an addiction to heroin, and possibly blogging a poorly made sex tape. If your on-line vagina can get more hits than a farting baby you stand a chance at getting at least a deal with (ironically) Virgin. Then you can move on to more lucrative ventures like your own clothing line or possibly even fragrance... Might I suggest ‘Farting Baby’? Dear Whitecotton I could totally use some advice on meeting good people. People with ambition Or some advice on how to meet a rich man... Megan S. It’s not that hard to meet a rich man... After researching the movie ‘Maid in Manhattan’ I’ve learned that all you have to do is work in a high class hotel. If at any point you get the chance to try on an expensive dress... you are guaranteed zany adventures with handsome men that can only end with falling in love. However if housekeeping isn’t your thing... might I suggest High Priced Hooker? It did wonders for Julia Roberts she banged one really rich guy and the next thing you know she has a career as an actress. Dear Whitecotton I think this girl I've been dating is getting back with her ex. She promises me that she doesn't want him; she tells me she loves me...but the dude keeps writing on her facebook. He even mentioned something about taking her to Puerto Rico! Is she just flat-out lying to me? She seems genuine...but there are too many flags. What should I do? – Sam F. There are defiantly a lot of flags, dude and you know who loves flags? Puerto Ricans Can’t get enough of em’ You can see it by the way they ordain the rear view mirrors of their Honda Civics. You can’t trust a Puerto Rican flag too it’s just a Texas flag carved into a prison shank Hopefully they will never adopt Puerto Rican statehood   51 stars would be a bitch to make symmetrical AND MY DADDY DIDN’T DIE FOR NO DAMN ASYMMETRICAL FLAG! Regardless The problem isn’t that she’s ‘flat out lying’ to you as much as she is lying flat out for another man. This can be addressed very easily... Give up. Let her go Remember the old adage ‘One man’s trash is another man’s gold Scarface pendant’. if you are in need of bad advice post your question here or send to facebook.com/jaywhitecotton

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