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Sunday, May 1, 2011

Chubby Hipster resents being called ‘Zach Galifianakis’

Posted By on Sun, May 1, 2011 at 4:52 AM


SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Colin Weathers loves his soy chai lattes, his collection of neon colored sneakers, and his mp3 collection of Aesop Rock remixes. He especially loves the Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVD collection prominently displayed for all to see in his living room. What Colin hates however is constantly being accused of looking like Zach Galifianakis.

“Its terrible,” says the 30-year Apple Store employee. “Not a day goes by where someone hasn’t accused me of looking like “that one guy with the beard."

Since the movie The Hangover, overweight bearded white males have had to deal with a barrage of comparisons to Zach Galifianakis, usually by over excited drunken college types. Other names like "Fat Jesus," "Wolf Pack," and "that-guy-from-that-one-movie-what-was-it-oh-yeah-Due Date"’ are also verbally slung due to their association with the comedic actor.

In a recent study by Hipster think tank Paste Magazine, "Zach Confusion" has quickly risen to be one of three leading causes for depression amongst chubby hipsters, right behind "Women Who Prefer Joel Schumacher Directed Batman Movies" and just after "People Who Mistake Coldplay for Radiohead."

“What offends me most is how unimaginative these douche bags can be,” says Weathers.  “There are so many other people you can draw from that would impress me way more – like Yukon Cornelius – that would totally be cool because it’s so obscure.” Weathers would go on to claim that though Betty White is still awesome, Bea Arthur was the superior Golden Girl.

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