Monday, February 27, 2012

Come on and do the rodeo, Spurs

Posted By on Mon, Feb 27, 2012 at 2:02 PM

It’s a large concession, but if you set aside the jingoistic rants and flashes of homophobia and sexism, there are production elements employed at the San Antonio Rodeo that the Spurs should incorporate during game-nights. Here are a handful of suggestions:

  1. Lasers aren’t for losers: The San Antonio Spurs incorporate several spotlights that dance throughout the AT&T Center audience, but why not a pre-game laser show?
  2. (You should be) “Sorry For Party Rocking”: During the extended NBA offseason, the “Party Rock” group LMFAO positioned itself as a mainstay on the radio and subsequently, public places and events. The two-man group’s “Party Rock Anthem,” which ravages a listener’s ears like a termite infestation, has been the Spurs’ starting lineup music. Thankfully, the rodeo sound guys avoided the “Party Rock.” Whatever happened to 2 Unlimited’s “Get Ready For This”?
  3. Ham up the pre-game video: The rodeo’s opening video includes a clip of a cowboy taping up his knuckles. Basketball players wear ankle tape. Heck, Manu’s injured often enough. Let’s see Spurs players getting prepped to go into (insert sports as war analogy here).
  4. Forget the Chaps jerseys: We’re the Spurs, right? So why not wear actual chaps during pre-game warm ups? Granted, when worn a certain fashion, tear-away pants create a similar effect to chaps. However, this could bring more legitimacy to the Spurs name across the jersey. Besides, if we force the Silver Dancers to go all-in on the cowboys aesthetic, why aren’t the boys forced to do the same? Maybe Spurs players could design their own chaps with elements that convey their personality. For example, Duncan could have some Dungeons & Dragons stitching on his chaps, DeJuan could pay homage to his Pittsburgh roots, and Manu’s could look like Batman’s tights.
  5. Get louder: This sounds counterintuitive considering I just complained about the music at Spurs games, but make the music louder - one of the rodeo’s greatest strengths from a production standpoint, particularly during the more adrenaline-laced moments like bull-riding. Free throw shooting is boring for the fans, let’s ‘pump up the jams’ during these moments of lull.
  6. Horse farts: Maybe not actual horse farts, but I like that the rodeo stimulates more of my senses than a Spurs basketball game. I can smell the action at the rodeo even if it’s the complete opposite of roses. On the other hand, Spurs games smell primarily of sodium. Could we infuse the air with Gatorade or maybe the smell of Spalding leather?
  7. Mutton Bustin’: Obviously, you couldn’t run a lamb out onto a NBA court in between timeouts, but possibly an alternative animal. Time and time again, the Spurs do the Whataburger toss, teasing the audience with the possibility of a free taquito voucher if the contestant converts the final toss. It rarely happens. So let’s give children the opportunity - they’re more entertaining.
  8. Not the dot: Nix the dot race. It’s too predictable. Here’s the secret: I’m 99.9 percent confident I’ve cracked the code: The color dot that wins is always the color that’s not among the opposing team’s color palate.
  9. Par for the horse: The stereotypes about Texas are endless. Some true, but many not. Let’s perpetuate the horse over cars idea and have the Spurs flag run out onto the court by a horse at the beginning of the games. At the very least, it will likely surprise the competition.

The Spurs' AT&T Center Homecoming takes place Wednesday, February 29 against the Chicago Bulls. Tip-off is set for 8:00 p.m.

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