Arts : Here’s soap in your eye

There’s a truck coming. A big, pink-and-blue 18-wheeler -the sort of truck the Knight Rider would have, if the Knight Rider were a 13-year-old girl. It’s full of (simulated) lust, murder, and treachery, with images of impossibly fetching people splashed across the side of it like a wanton, carpet-bomb assault on positive self-image. And it’s coming — for you.


The “I Wanna Be a Soap Star Live!” tour truck could be your ride to fame.

Friday, May 5, marks the San Antonio leg of the SOAPnet cable network’s “I Wanna Be a Soap Star Live” tour, via which regular folk from the River City will get a chance to bask in the libidinous glow of small-screen glamour, get gussied up like a monied socialite or an unshaven, rough-around-the-edges loner, even (ohpleaseohpleaseohplease) win a one-shot on a soap opera, to scheme and cavort alongside their favorite statuesque daytime denizens.

“We’re excited ... we know that all soap fans want to be actors,” says Sherri York, vice president of marketing for SOAPnet.

The truck stops at downtown Sunset Station, with the bedlam beginning at noon. Goings-on will include: soap-y makeovers and headshots, autographs, and a talent search, wherein tour “casting directors” will select a single winner to fly to Los Angeles and compete for a walk-on role on ABC’s General Hospital — Cop #2, or Dyspeptic Man in Coffee Shop, for instance. Participants must be 18 or older.

“I fell in love with San Antonio years ago,” says Puerto-Rico-born actor Kamar De Los Reyes, who plays Detective Antonio Vega on One Life to Live and will help judge auditions. De Los Reyes says the city won his affections in part because of its large Hispanic community. “I am so proud not only to be a working actor, but a working Latino actor,” he says. “I hope I make everyone proud.”

Intent on making Friday your seamless, seamy soap segue? SOAPnet offers a few tips, by way of “I Wanna Be A Soap Star” judge Michael Bruno:

‘I Wanna Be a Soap Star Live!’ Tour
Auditions: 10am-5pm
Fri, May 5
Sunset Station
1174 E. Commerce

“Research — Study the soap stars on TV and learn their mannerisms and acting tools. Try to watch a few different soaps, not just your favorite, so you get a good range.”

(For the decidedly low-impact method actor.)

“Wardrobe — Dress your age and try to look as sexy/handsome as possible (no inappropriate low cleavage).”

“BE YOURSELF!!! Remember that most of the main roles on the `soaps` are beautiful people. If you are not that, then go and be you. There are always small parts that come up that don’t have to be glamorous or great-looking.” (The grown-up version of being cast as a tree in your school play.) Though De Los Reyes cautions that soap acting is “a lot of hard work,” he encourages those with a dream to “go for it.” SOAPnet spokeswoman Jori Peterson agrees.

“I think that everyone has an inner diva,” she says.

Come Friday, let the arias begin.

- Brian Villalobos

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