Those cabinets don’t hang themselves

Another home-improvement show. Another parade of disembodied hands, elbows, and backs of heads.

While experts expound on the raising of the roof, the sandblasting of the fireplace, and the alignment of the track lighting, dusty manos, workboot-encased feet, and anonymous nalgas in faded, dusty blue jeans float in and out of camera range while experts lecture overheated, and breathless homeowners on how their house is caca — that is until they are done with it.

Commercial break. Back to the show. Mira, there is another dark-brown hand pounding nails into the wall, the vaguest outline of a hardworking hombre planting sod in the burning sun, and the faintest whisper of español swept under the new designer rug as the finished Flip takes shape.

Ay Dios Mío, the happiness, the hyperness, the tears that begin to flow as the homeowners, escorted like strangers through their own casa, stare wide-eyed at the changes to their face-lifted home.

Ay, my God, look at the new light fixture! It’s better than the old one! Yes, oozes the designer, this one really fits the new decor.

No way this is the same living room! Oh, goodness, sweetheart, will you just look at the new tile floor and all its intricate detail work?! Oh, yes, chirps the architect of the airwaves ... we ripped up the old linoleum and scrubbed the floor clean before we put down the new tile. All this is said with an expansive wave of baby-soft, perfectly manicured hands.

Honey, will you just look at this! moans the homeowner as she takes in the new, handcrafted, kitchen cabinets gleaming in the cocina.

Yes, of course, says the kitchen designer, there was no way we were going to leave those old cabinets hanging there. They had to go. All we had to do was pull out the old ones, take them outside, and throw them in the dumpster.

The homeowners convulse in waves of OHMYGODISNTTHISAWESOME orgasms. Meanwhile, off camera, the electricisita packs up the tools of his trade and prepares to head home to his familia, the tile worker counts his dinero to see how much he can afford to send to his familia in his home country, and the artisan cabinetmaker conducts a calm inspection of the gouges, scratches, and injuries his hands suffered while pulling ancient, stubbon, rusty nails from the wall of the kitchen so he could secure his handmade cabinets.

Music up.

And we did it in ONE DAY!!!

Everything ... the tile work, the landscaping, the electrical work appeared as if by magic!!!

Yes, there was a fleeting glimpse of a callused brown hand in camera range, a faded work shirt blocking the view of the fabulous new living room, and a tired, battered, pickup truck parked in the freshly paved driveway.

But there never seems to be room in the credits at the end of the show to mention the nombres of the trabajadores that made it all possible.

N´ombre, no way.

But please join us again for yet another exciting episode of Flip That Mexican.

Sin más,

Chalupa Rule no. 16

Large or small, on camera or off ...
a job well done deserves its applause.

Grande o pequeño, frente a la camera o no ...
un trabajo bien hecho mereze su applauso.


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