Oh my gosh, I’m going to die: Arrested Development-Superbad-Juno star/barely-legal fantasy boyfriend of intelligent women everywhere, Michael Cera, is Alexander Hamilton here: Just … go. (Pairs well with the Ben Franklin impersonator episode of The Office if you happen to be a softy for the founding fathers.)

Critical Darling would also like to tip you off to two other can’t-misses: Paul Thomas Anderson’s There Will Be Blood and The Savages from Tamara Jenkins (you know her, she directed Slums of Beverly Hills `and acted in one of Critical Darling’s favorites, the little-seen Happy Accidents`). Both open at the Bijou this weekend in addition to the new films pontificated upon in this issue’s screens pages. Fear not, Blood and Savages will get the pants reviewed off ’em next week. (Many thanks to the studios who didn’t pre-screen until our press day; we’re sure that’s just an accident.) (Who’s bitter?)

But back to the good news: Lost returns before the month is out, and there are now Heroes dolls (Critical Darling really wants some to play with for the Curblog, NBC).

Now, was that the most attention-deficit column you’ve ever read, or was that the most attention-deficit column you’ve ever read? XO.

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