Let me begin by saying thank you, readers, from the bottom of my heart, for making my last column the most-read article at sacurrent.com the week that it ran. What a lovely early Valentine’s Day present to me; really, you shouldn’t have. Oh wait — can you hold on a second? — sorry, I’m getting a text message. Someone at the Current. Excuse me. So rude — I apologize. It says “The commenters went crazy!” Well! Did they now? Let’s just take a look here …
Oh. Oh, dear. These are fighting words. “Bitter.” “Little girl.” “No class.” “Affected.” “Hackneyed.” “Armond White”?! Hey! Hold on a second! I’m nowhere near as nasty and cynical as New York Press film critic and notorious contrarian Armond White! (But nice name-check and thanks for the giggle.) Just look at this face! Do we have a picture? Does this look like the face of a bitter person to you? Little girl, maybe.
What’s the problem? Well, it appears I rubbed some Anne Hathaway and Chris Nolan admirers the wrong way with my assertion that the former was miscast by the latter as Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises. It also seems I offended some white-swan readers with my sailor words in that PG-13 column. To the first group I say lo siento. Anne’s a fine woman and I hope she proves me wrong, because I would be a bad critic if I didn’t want every movie I see to be great. I do. That being said, I’m allowed to verbally wince at the news. It’s a column; it’s my column, not a piece of film criticism. For those who find Nolan beyond reproach, solve a mystery for me and explain how and when the Joker leaves Bruce Wayne’s penthouse during the Harvey Dent fundraiser scene in The Dark Knight, because it’s been driving me batty (ha) for years.
Finally, to those too pure of heart to endure a sprinkling of profanity (you realize this paper has sex ads in the back, right?) and/or too literary to stomach my affected style: No one’s forcing you to read this fucking column. But I do love your spirit, you bunch of innocents and fiery redheads (figuratively speaking). So happy belated Valentine’s Day to you, and to the dear, devoted darlings to whom none of this column pertains. For promised February film event reminders, refer to infamous column at sacurrent.com.
And remember, there are still plenty more movies to catch at the Bijou’s Free Movie Night, happening every Thursday at 7 p.m. through April 28 (santikos.com/bijouex.php). This month’s theme is Oscar winners, and March’s programming appears to be entirely family fare. And by “family,” I mean “mafia,” so please don’t bring your children. XO.
