The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

We have a weird instant-prejudice against movies with colons in the title, but here we are at the third heavily CGI’d installment of the adaptations of the series of English children’s books. If you’ve never read the books and haven’t been to Narnia yet, movie-wise, this is probably not the best place to check in. However, if you’re a weekend parent or something and looking for a way to burn a few hours with the kiddies, you could do much worse than exposing your progeny to this episode, which features Georgie Henley and Skandar Keynes as siblings Lucy and Edmund Pevensie, who get sucked into the land of Narnia to help Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes) sail around on his cool-ass titular ship to find a bunch of magic swords owned by a seemingly endless succession of scraggly, blue-veined old white guys. And while there are several boring talking parts, children should be able to immediately identify with finding a way out of a crappy domestic situation by being magically transported into a land where people call them Your Highness and stuff and you get to swing a sword around and there’s a talking rat. Did we mention the merfolk? Merfolk! Pasty, pouty-lipped Will Poulter is a standout as an obnoxious little English shit, the 115 minutes is not very graphic as far as the violence, there’s about two seconds of Tilda Swinton, and there’s some cool special-effects action, but don’t waste your dough on the 3D.

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