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A Prospective, Fake Menu for KISS' AT&T Center Restaurant

By Matt Stieb and Travis Buffkin on Fri, Oct 9, 2015 at 4:26 pm

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click to enlarge

Courtesy

KISS will open its newest Rock & Brews chain in the renovated AT&T Center

Welcome to Rock & Brews, where you can eat food from the unwashed hands of a man who claimed to have slept with 5,000 women. Please check back frequently, for our menu changes almost every day depending on how much of Paul Stanley's chest hair we have to use as a garnish.

Hors D'oeuvre

Ahi Tuna Sliders Seared By Ace Frehley's Guitar Pyrotechnics / $18

Pop-Your-Cherry Tomato Caprese Salad / $9

Between A Rock And A Chard Place Salad / $9

Plats Principaux

Lick It Up Lengua / $69
A slow-cooked San Antonio favorite served just like abuela used to make

Simmons Sashimi / $69
Razor-thin salmon sliced to the exact dimensions of Gene's mouth penis

Animalize / $69
Animal eyes, unspecified

Eric Carr's Ribs / $23
The actual ribs of replacement drummer Eric Carr

Gene Simmons Family Jewels / $69
Rocky Mountain oysters marinated in two-week aged Manischewitz

Drink

Cold Gin / $7

Detroit Rock City / $11
Motor oil on the rocks

Coffee / $3
Served in a plaster cast

Dessert

Pancake Makeup Flapjacks / $8
Spurs Jesus, please do not throw these at opposing players