I am unhappy. My girlfriend left me two months ago and is preparing to move to Boston for grad school. She didn’t even tell me she was applying. She just sat me down after work one night and told me she had been accepted. I love San Antonio and have no desire to leave. She said she knew I wouldn’t leave and thought it was best if I moved out sooner rather than later. She said she felt it was time to “let this go.” To keep things civil I just left and let her keep most everything. I only took the bed because it was mine before the relationship. I totally hate my bed now.
We had two great little Chihuahua mixes and I let her keep them, too. I loved those dogs and miss having them around terribly. She offered to let me take the older one, Sid, but I couldn’t break the two dogs up. They are inseparable most of the day and I wouldn’t do to them what she did to us. I made her promise to never split them. It would be terribly sad and I don’t think The Little One (that’s his name) would know what to do without Sid.
Besides being single and dogless, I started a new job in January and I really dislike it. It is with a bigger firm and pays a lot more than my last job, but it lacks the family feel of the small office I worked for before. I took the job to start saving money to buy a house so we could maybe get married, now I have money and nothing else.
I used to enjoy hanging with the guys once a week or so, but now I hang with them several nights a week and it feels like a horrible trap that will eat my soul if I don’t escape. I like them and they have all been my friends since at least high school, but I am afraid of becoming a 30-year-old frat boy.
I think your column is funny and thought that you might cheer me up or make me laugh at something.
— In the dumps
Dear Dumpy Dude,
You are depressed. And heartbroken. It unfortunately happens, but you need to move on. I want to ask why you love San Antonio and don’t want to leave? It’s a great city, but you don’t include a lot of arguments for staying put in your letter. I don’t think that your ex is ready for a reconciliation and for you to move with her to Boston. She clearly planned the breakup in advance and worked carefully to create a perfect scenario for her exit. She was most likely done long before the breakup and you should ask yourself why you were surprised. Habit is easily mistaken for happiness.
Why not get a therapist? Might help you figure a few things out and he or she can coach you through this depression.
Did you hate your new job before the break up? Your sour outlook from your personal life might be affecting your view of your professional life. Having more money isn’t a bad thing. We are in a recession or something. You could still buy a house. You would have a yard and could adopt some new dogs (there are a shit ton out there that need good homes). Moving into a new home would be a great distraction from your love loss and give new purpose to some of your free time.
Ditch the bed and buy a new one. It’s just a reminder of your ex and a way to cling to your old relationship. Start new. At the very least drop the old sheets off at the Goodwill.
Being a 30-year-old frat boy for just a little bit might be OK, too. Let loose. Have some fun. You’re young and single and living in a city you love. You know this speech: Join the gym, do some community work, get a hobby, or maybe you should go back to school — an appropriate place for a frat boy.
Your old life is over and you feel like shit, but things don’t fix themselves. I wouldn’t wait around for Caroline Kennedy to ask you to be the VP candidate.
Much love and a fresh start,
Your Uncle Mat
Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at
[email protected] or Myspace.com/yourunclemat. Your true identity is safe with him.
