Dear Uncle Mat,
My boyfriend really wants me to perform oral sex on him, and I don’t want to. I have tried once in my past with another guy, and I think it’s dirty. Not like dirty bad, but gross. It’s stinky and doesn’t taste good, to be frank.
I really love my boyfriend and with the exception of this one request, think he’s perfect. I should also be clear that he wants me to do this regularly, not just once. I’m sure I could force myself through it once, but all the time? No way. It’s his favorite thing. Which already makes me dislike it, because I know that means that other girls have been there and done that. I don’t want to put my mouth where some tramp did. Is there a way out of this and if not, a way to make it better or less disgusting?
Oh my! Really? You don’t like giving blowjobs? Maybe you aren’t doing it right. Or you’ve had a bad penis. That happens, you know. Or maybe you don’t. Clearly, you need information, a slight attitude adjustment, and a little practice.
First, a short disclaimer: Don’t let anyone force you to perform any sex act you do not want to do. Love is no reason to force yourself: don’t take on new sexual practices until you feel comfortable with them. Second, educate yourself and practice safe sex.
Next, tell your boyfriend that if he expects a hummer, he had best show up clean and fresh. Penises shouldn’t be stinky or taste bad. I suspect your previous partner had some poor hygiene habits. If your pal is uncut, tell him you expect him to clean his foreskin thoroughly as well. You could have a shower with him and wash him up yourself. This way you know it’s fresh, and washing him gives you some time to bond with his little buddy. Becoming more comfortable with his happy friend will make it seem less dirty and more fun. Personally I find it distracting, but some of my female friends like to give their boyfriends’ johnsons cute nicknames. This certainly ought to make it less threatening. I’m just guessing here.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s likely that with only one unpleasant attempt under your belt, you’re probably not good at giving head, which diminishes the pleasure for all parties involved. Attitude can turn this around —be a little more optimistic and enthusiastic about it. You are about to make the man you love really happy — well, in theory. You need skills first.
I have a few tips. Teeth on penises is generally a bad scenario. Use your tongue, or it’s just in the way. If you have a gag reflex, it will calm down with some practice. A swallowing action will help, though I don’t recommend swallowing his semen; that’s pushing the safe sex envelope, in my opinion. Most guys like their balls played with as well as licked and/or sucked. A gentle tickle or massage of the area between his balls and ass is a nice surprise, too. He likely has a lot of other responsive places on his body besides his dick. Take a break and play with these. It’s not an elevator ride: You don’t have to ride it till he gets off. Mix it up with other foreplay and intimate activities you both like.
Now, there are as many ways to do all this as there are men and women on the planet, so real technique needs to be developed between you and your boyfriend, using the sexual chemistry between you.
Also: If you don’t think it’s a “bad” thing from a moral standpoint, why are the other girls who have been there “tramps”? It’s OK to have a few hang ups about sex. You are not the first and won’t be the last person to have some baggage about sex, especially regarding oral sex. Talk to a good friend about it. He or she may have some pointers as well.
Most important is to remember that sex between you and your partner is an intimate experience that should be fun and mutually pleasurable.
Much luck and love,
Your Uncle Mat
Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets and art. Email him at [email protected], myspace.com/yourunclemat, or check out the Dear Uncle Mat Page on Facebook. Your true identity is safe with him.