Enjoy this drinking game for Friday's Beto O'Rourke-Greg Abbott debate

The debate, which airs Friday at 7 p.m., is unlikely to change minds, so let's get lit.

click to enlarge Gov. Greg Abbott and Beto O'Rourke will hold their sole debate of the election on Friday. - Michael Karlis (left) and Instagram / Greg Abbott (right)
Michael Karlis (left) and Instagram / Greg Abbott (right)
Gov. Greg Abbott and Beto O'Rourke will hold their sole debate of the election on Friday.
It's a safe guess most Texans have already decided who they want to see in the governor's office.

Which is to say Friday's debate between Republican incumbent Greg Abbott and his Democratic rival, former El Paso congressman Beto O'Rourke, isn't going to change a lot of minds. So, why not get lit while the two verbally duke it out?

To that end, we devised a drinking game for the event, which will be held at the University of Texas Rio Grande Valley in Edinburg. (What's more college-appropriate than a drinking game, right?) If you decide to play along, please have a designated driver — and try not give yourself alcohol poisoning.

Required:
 Beer of your choice, hard liquor of your choice and a television tuned to the debate, which airs at 7 p.m. Friday on San Antonio's KSAT-TV.

Drink once from your beer if:
  • O'Rourke uses a Spanish phrase.
  • Abbott refers to the Biden Administration as the "Bidenministration."
  • O'Rourke mentions that he took his son to the recent Iron Maiden concert.
  • Abbott mentions fentanyl. Add another drink if uses the exact phrase "deadly fentanyl."
  • O'Rourke drops the name of an obscure Texas city he's visited — Iraan or Dimebox, for example.
  • Abbott uses the phrase "open borders."
  • O'Rourke congratulates former bandmate Cedric Bixler-Zavala on the release of the new Mars Volta album.
  • Abbott trots out the racist trope of referring to people crossing the border to seek asylum as an "invasion."
  • O'Rourke mentions a grandmother he met on the campaign trail.
  • Abbott squints at the camera in an attempt to emulate Clint Eastwood.
Drink twice from your beer if:
  • O'Rourke uses the word "motherfucker." Add a third drink if he directs it at Abbott.
  • Abbott uses the phrase "it could have been worse" to explain away the grid collapse, a mass shooting or some other debacle that occurred on his watch.
  • O'Rourke has a Democratic presidential debate flashback and threatens to take away Texans' assault rifles.
  • Abbott shows up wearing one of his fake police or border guard uniforms. Drink a third time he's added medals to his chest like a true authoritarian strongman.
  • O'Rourke is caught air drumming or eating a Whataburger while coming back from a commercial.
  • Abbott tries to explain that there's no need for an incest exception in Texas' abortion ban because "we're not West Virginia."
  • O'Rourke reveals that if he can't win this election, he'll next run for a seat on an El Paso school board.
  • Abbott scowls at the camera after calling President Joe Biden a "worthless commie rat."
Take a shot if:
  • O'Rourke refers to Abbott as "DeSantis Lite," "Texas Trump," "Frowny, Frowny Frog Face" or "Victor Orban After a Trip to Supercuts."
  • Abbott produces a firearm onstage to show his NRA allegiance. Take an extra shot if he discharges the weapon at any point.
  • O'Rourke shows up to the debate in a dress to recreate the Foss cover shoot.
  • Abbott attempts to prove he's just as extreme as Allen West by using "harsh interrogation tactics" on a migrant pulled off one of his charter buses.
  • O'Rourke brings a drag performer onstage to read a children's book out loud in a bid to make Abbott's head explode.
  • Abbott, in a Freudian slip, refers to Operation Lone Star as Operation White Hood.
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