On the Street: Theater of Competition, Tim Duncan is Mechanical Gothic, Travels with Salim, Travels with T.A.F.K.A.M., and Other Important Issues of the Day

“Theater of Competition”

Letters (to the On the Street Penthouse Suite)

A bounty of letters for this week, with an appropriate nod towards the election. However, there are also inclusions of art, history, and the Spurs. It's times like these I wonder if this is a blog or a newspaper within a newspaper. However, until the winds of public opinion shift, we're still just the #2 blog in town.

(However the polling data on that study might be off - with a sample size of 5, not random, and probably a margin of error of +/- 95% - yeah, it might not be accurate. So, who is to say this isn't the #1 blog in town? I'll offer proof coming up, which if that breaks the Armistice of 2007 with Emvergeoning, then so be it. And for those who will point out this is merely a publicity stunt to get attention for both sides, then I ask “And what do you think the Republicans and Democrats do?” Yeah, how â??bout “them apples”?)

Anyway, to the lettersâ?¦

#1 Planetarian

Fotographer Barry Stone writes in with the weekly fotograph, not that I actually receive it weekly, but it's cool.


Galaxy, Planetarian, Texas State Fair, Dallas, TX, 10.11.2008

can be seen at http://www.barrystone.com



#2 Obama-McCain Dance Off

Hey, its our old friend On the Street Domestic Correspondent from California Steve writing in (though technically just posting a video.)

(At first I thought the video might be offensive but ultimately it's, oddly, an embrace of dance.)



#3 Tim Duncan is Mechanical Gothic

OTS historians will recall the wedding I officiated several weeks back. Those same historians will also recall the singer at the wedding. It just so happens that he's writing in with notice of the new book from the website Free Darko, as well as a song/anthem he wrote to inaugurate the book.

Free Darko is a website that celebrates basketball for people who probably never played basketball, written in the style that is somewhere between a fanzine that feels like a dissertation, and a dissertation that feels like a fanzine. (And Darko refers to a now obscure European player who was on the bench for the Detroit Pistons years ago and was never able to get playing time.)

Hello fellow bball nerds and Free Darko enthusiasts...

just wanted to send y'all a link to the just launched Free Darko Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac page that I think I have told each of you about. it's for their awesome/ridiculous/hilarious book that's finally coming out in a few weeks...the page is great and, as I again believe I told each of you about, if you click on the Media link it will take you to the music page where you can hear my Free Darko Anthem I was "commissioned" to write (of course though, the words are not mine, they are lifted from the Free Darko Manifesto that opens up the book...)

Anyway, you should all peruse the website and read some of the exerpts...the book is pretty awesome in my opinion.

later on



And for a hilarious analysis of Tim Duncan as Mechanical Gothic try this:


#4 T.A.F.K.A.M. Discovers History and Makes History

The Artist Formerly Known as Mantecatron writes in with some discoveries from down “Mexico way”.

(Whereas Emvergeoning simply cuts and pastes external material off the web following Mantecatron's sojourn, here at OTS we engage in original research, which if this were held to academic standards, well, we would fail, but not fail as poorly. I would go so far as to suggest we would skate by with a Gentlemen's C.)

Of course T.A.F.K.A.M. might be amused at the web presence he's creating through his absence. He's probably thinking — "Why come back when I get more attention for going on semi-permanent vacation to walk the Earth?" This might be considered a positive feedback loop, for a while at least.

Anyway, an excerpt from the letterâ?¦

During the dictatorship of Portofiro Diaz, Francisco Madero rose up to challenge him in the supposedly fair elections. Of course, Diaz jailed him for treason or something. While Madero sat in jail, Daiz won the election. After the election, Madero fled. To Texas. To San Antonio. It was there, in San Antonio, in October of 1910 that Madero issued The Decree of San Luis Potosí. (Or something close to that. Right now I'm a little to lazy to look it up the exact name on the net.) In it, he named Nov. 20, 1910 to be the date that the revolution would begin. And it did.

I would also like to add that, while not confirmed yet, sources in San Miguel de Allende are telling me that T.A.F.K.A.M. (a red blooded San Antonian) may have set a drinking record for that city. There were rumors of 19 pints of Guiness in 3 hours. Hopefully my frienemies in Jalisco will help track down this rumor.

#5 Hilarious Duality

These videos have been getting some play recently, though how much I'm not sure. The first one is the Budweiser commercial which in long form feels more like a well done short film.

The second is...well, too good to describe. And yes, watch the first one first.

Hilarious duality.....

Watch the old one first.....

Cheers, Jessica





Spurs Season Opener (The Pain Subsidesâ?¦)

The new season is here as the Phoenix Suns came through last night. But before I get into that, this is the only time to get some other business out of the way.

Recently, the Spurs cut Salim Stoudemire from their preseason roster, which was a solid move from a basketball perspective but doesn't help me personally for a column I was hoping to write with Salim. Based on the success of Travels with Frenchie, I was hoping to also do a short series called Travels with Salim.

Here is an excerpt from a pitch I sent out to their marketing team:

I recently read that your agency will now be promoting the Spurs. Furthermore, I read there is a goal to appeal to new demographics. I have an idea for a short series of articles that may do just that.

A few days ago the Spurs signed a new player from the Atlanta Hawks, Salim Stoudamire. Salim is the only vegan in the NBA. Most of my writing for the Current is food criticism, however I also happen to be a religious Spurs fan since about 1985. I also once was a vegan. My idea is to do a series of 3 articles where I accompany Salim to review the vegan cuisine at various restaurants around town.

“Shockingly”, I didn't get a response.

I was hoping to review vegan-esque restaurants with him as well as document his acculturation into San Antonio life (and by San Antonio it probably would have been the Dominion, and by culture it probably would have been video game stores to buy the latest Xbox, but why squabble now. It's done.)

The pain of not interviewing Tim Duncan to settle once and for all the rumors and allegations that he plays Dungeons and Dragons has finally passed.

With the new season underway there is little time to worry about old news, even if I'm the only reporter in the country to have done the original research to find the genesis for all those rumors.

The game was set up nicely with pre-game drama provided by the Big Cactus, Shaq O'neal. Basically, he called the Spurs cowards for employing Hack-A-Shaq in the playoffs as a way to send him to the free throw line in the hopes he would brick shot after shot.

And so how did last night's game begin?



For all the moments that Coach Pop looks like he's too serious, you can tell from this clip that he has his priorities straight. The best part is when they later use this same technique for real later in the 2nd quarter. Head games. I love it.

Well, we did lose the game. Bonner looked good and bad, newbie Roger Mason Jr. looked very solid for a first game, Tony and Tim were dominant, and the frontline looked old and thin.

The team probably won't win a title this year, but when is that ever a certainty. Fans will probably run away when a losses pile up before Manu returns but that would be a shame.

Shouting from the Rooftop

It seems that everyone and their mother from the Current staff was at the Artpace MTVesque Friday Nite Battle of the Bands with resident Richie Budd offering up pyrotechnics and smoke and mirrors. The great article in this weeks issue gives more background on all that, as well as 2 different reviews of the show.

To me it (the article on Budd) was an indirect embrace of art as smoke and mirrors, something that I admire. Even better, I learned that Budd sells perfume for his dayjob. What was that smoke machine but one mega perfume dispenser?

Here are a bunch of fotos I took from that event. The smoke and chaos likened the event to Vietnam. Or maybe observers meant something else when they called it “the shit”?

The Birds

I incorrectly assumed that without Bill Murray on screen, and a pretty substantial dip in the temperatures, that almost no one would show up for Slab Cinema's weekly screening. People were much more open to Hitchcock than I would have thought. I had tried to watch The Birds years ago but usually I find Hitchcock to be a bore. His films are so controlled they seem stifling to me. I had forgotten his “wicked” sense of humor. Furthermore, the film was outright apocalyptic, and seemed like a proto-John Carpenter film, minus Kurt Russel in the background flexing his guns and talking out of the side of his mouth.

Tonight is Nosferatu with live music beforehand.

Here a few underexposed moments from last week.

And so goes another week on the streets of San Antonio. As always, to be continued...


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