San Antonio Police Department To Bring Back Two-Tone Uniforms

Out with the new and in with old.

Starting April 31, the San Antonio Police Department will issue throwback two-tone uniforms to all of its officers.

Why in the hell would they do this?

Nostalgia, of course.

"This was prompted by the throwback style of SAPD Homicide's Hat Squad. It's a classic look and the public responded well to it, so we decided to bring back the old-school uniforms that made us famous," says SAPD spokesman Sgt. Javier Salazar.

That, however, won't be the only change.

The force is bringing back 20 gas-guzzling 1986 Dodge Diplomats that will be painted light blue and white, reminiscent of the SAPD's fleet until the early '90s.

And in a bid to save the taxpayers money, the SAPD is scrapping its fleet of EAGLE Helicopters for drones.

The addition is thanks to a well-known toy company that provided a grant to the SAPD.

Salazar did not elaborate on which well-known toy company is providing the funds.

Lastly, male patrol officers will be required to grow large mustaches and sideburns.

Just joking, the SAPD is having a little fun with April Fools Day!