Spoiler alert!

The rains keep falling, sheets upon sheets, and puddles and flooding are piling up like mattresses, and the Queque itself spent the weekend alternately in bed and easy chair, dreaming of faraway destinations like .... Diagon Alley ... Godric’s Hollow ... the Forbidden Forest ... Bill Miller Bar-B-Q on the South, East, and West sides.

Just because it’s raining, it doesn’t mean our hunger for bargain-priced barbecue has been sated, nor does it mean our always-inflamed sense of injustice has been extinguished. Wage disparity between white, rich neighborhoods on the North Side, and impoverished everyone-else/everywhere-else communities ($9.00/hour vs. $6.00/hour) isn’t cool, no matter what the laws of capitalism dictate. We’re better than that, Mr. Miller, and the Queque wouldn’t drink your special iced tea if there was a Horcrux at the bottom of the cup. That’s Dumbledore humor; you wouldn’t get it.

As we go to press, we hear that the Brown Berets have joined the Southwest Workers Union’s cause and are having their own Battle of Hogwarts at Miller’s Probandt and Highway 90 location. If we had the Elder Wand (aka the Wand of Destiny), we’d stop the rain just for them.

The Queque isn’t just imagining it: The Dark Forces are stretching northward out of Texas. This time, we’re talking about American Consolidated Media, the small newspaper outfit swallowed up earlier this year by Macquarie Bank Limited, the Australian mega-corporation with a fat ladle dunked in the toll-road cauldron. We’re convinced that a Death Eater has laid the unforgivable Imperius Curse on ACM’s president (and former general manager of the Dallas Morning News) Jeremy Halbreich.

Back in February `“Bread between the lines,” February 7-13`, we warned you that anti-toll roadie Sal “The Muckraker” Costello was onto something: Macquarie was buying up media outlets specifically along the proposed Trans-Texas Corridor. Now their grand scheme’s become clearer: ACM and Macquarie’s larger aim is to own a media monopoly along the prophesized NAFTA Super-Highway, which would connect all of North America. In June, the companies announced they acquired 19 newspapers along the Canadian border in Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Michigan. In July, they picked up three more papers right in the middle of the country, in Kansas, including the Columbus Daily Advocate. It’s a clever investment to be sure. The papers are worth a goblin’s share to Macquarie Media Group if the super-corridor is built; and worth even more to Macquarie Infrastructure (self-described as “one of the largest private developers of toll roads in the world”) if those 10 dailies and 58 weekly and specialty publications suddenly cease being as critical of development as they were when they were somewhat independent.

The Queque’s mole at Waxahachie Daily Light, one of Macquarie’s original purchases, has quit his writing job at the paper to work for Ellis County as, we shit you not, Road Worker #6. We fear he’s succumbed to the Dark Lord’s will.

Speaking of the Dark Lord’s will: have you heard about the President’s July 17 Executive Order? When we saw it online we could fully empathize with the Weasley Twins (sniff-sniff), standing beneath Filch’s ladder as the squib hammered in yet another of Hogwarts High Inquisitor Dolores Umbridge’s educational decrees. Basically, it goes like this: If you’ve got a business and the Secretary of the Treasury decides that whatever it is you do threatens “the peace or stability of Iraq,” your assets may be seized by the government. So, if the Queque were to declare in this column that, for example, “Damn right, the Bush administration is an incompetent, imperial monster,” that could ostensibly be cause for the Treasury Department to shut down our press. (Yes, it’s that broad and we wonder if Halliburton saw it coming, and that’s why they moved to Dubai; they’d top our list of Iraq destabilizers.) Of course, we’d apparate in court in the twitch of a snitch’s wing, but we’re not so sure anymore that our First Amendment Wand can beat Bush’s Cloak of Constitutional Oblivion.

In the meantime, a few words for all you Quibbler-reading 9-11 Truthies out there: Watch your back, bide your time, and be careful of nargles. One day, perhaps at the moment of his defeat, we’ll get a look at Severus Cheney’s memory in the Congressional pensieve. Maybe he’s not so evil after all.

Yeah, and dementors make nice pets.


Send news tips to [email protected].

Scroll to read more The QueQue articles


Join SA Current Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.