Would any Andrew W.K. fans care to explain...

What in Sam Hell is going on with this here "I'm not a victim of mind control" statement from Andrew W.K.? We got a press release about this shit, even. Is anyone seriously worried there's some kind of reptilian Illuminati conspiracy behind the "Party Hard" dude? Is soundtracking frat keggers eight years ago really an effective global domination strategy at this point? Unless your nefarious plan involves increasing sales of styrofoam beer coolers and Valtrex, you've made a bad move, Masons. You'd have gotten more mileage from puppetmastering Sum 41 or Jason Mraz.

Mr. Wilkes-Krier's (if that's his real name) blog is reposted below. I'll meet you at the bottom.

"Since 2001, I have been accused of being part of a conspiracy in which I knowingly entered into a contract with creative directors called Steev Mike, who proceeded to invent a new identity for me to perform under. I'm here to say this is simply not true and a gross exaggeration of easily explainable and common-place music industry practices. Of course I work with people who choose not to include their whole names or real names in the credits, or who aren't on stage with me during my shows - but taking advice and guidance from other people doesn't mean I'm a victim of mind-control. That's like science fiction! Andrew W.K. is about partying and doing what you want! We want fun, and that really is what I am about.

These lies have unfortunately been with me since my career started - critics were saying I had to be a fake puppet for the record industry because I appeared over night. These simple untrue allegations have grown over the years to the point now where I have to defend myself. I have done many interviews and talks where I have explained the nature of how I got into music, and I admitted that I did work with people. But people have still taken what I said and tried to call me a liar and a fake. What alarms me most about these accusations is that they remind me of witch trials: The kind of people who accuse me of being a talking head for some secret conspiracy to corrupt people's morals are the same people who claim MTV and Cartoon Network are owned by secret rulers of the world out to poison kid's brains, or that pop stars like Beyonce or Lady Gaga are part of some occult society, or that companies like McDonald's, Coca-Cola, or Hollywood are secretly promoting hidden plans. Or that the President of the USA is just a figure head and reading a script given to him by a secret world power. Come on!

We're working in a business where there are different ends and different means. No one controlled Frank Sinatra or told him how to sing. No secret group of managers has been telling someone like Jay-Z what to do or how to look. And no one tells me what to do, except me and the people who believe in me. I am a real person who thinks for himself and am not the victim of anyone or group of people trying to influence my career or life. I take responsibility for everything in my life, including who I work for and what happens to me because of it. Just because a person has mentors or advisers doesn't mean they don't have their own brain and soul. And just because I work with other people who advise me doesn't mean that I am a puppet for an evil cult or a have some sort of master plan. I make party music - plain and simple. In fact, it is me who is the innocent victim of a conspiracy of critics and haters who don't believe in the power of music and pure true fun. It is us artists who are the victims. It's crazy that still today, brand new artists like Lady Gaga have already been dealing with the same sort of paranoid allegations that I've has been dealing with since 2001. It just doesn't stop! We are not puppets, we are human beings.

Musicians are not acting, we are real people. We are not part of a conspiracy! It's really intense when people are telling you who you are, so I'm going to tell them who THEY are! On behalf of all musicians, the entertainment industry, and everyone else who's ever been falsely accused, YOU ARE NOT HURTING US AND YOU ARE NOT STOPPING THIS. The party will continue! We will endure! It has become too common for musical artists and performers to be labeled as part of some global scam to control the world, or that we're puppets for a larger agenda designed to hurt people. That's why I'm speaking out and loudly declaring: I am not evil and neither are any of my other fellow members of showbusiness. We are here to bring fun and light into the world, not doubt and darkness. I have been accused of having people design my image, tell me what to say in interviews, design my clothes, the way I look and talk, and of course my music. It's true I do work with people, but not to accomplish anything bad, just the basics that any person does in this business and with this opportunity to live out my dreams.

I have always admitted that I worked with people and I have confessed that time and time again, even if the critics twisted what I said. I did this hoping it would quiet people up and put an end to all the speculation and exaggeration. I was never an actor and the partnerships I made with friends, family, and the companies I've worked with have all been to promote entertainment, excitement, and fun - to give people something fun to focus on and to occupy our thoughts, instead of a bunch of fear or negativity.

I will always keep my focus where it matters most:

1) On being grateful for the incredible people who believe in the feeling I work to create

2) And on that magical feeling itself: BEING ALIVE!

Long live music and long live life. PARTY HARD!"

- Andrew W.K.

Well doesn't that beat the buzzkill cult I grew up in all to hell? It's nice to know that there's no team of image consultants and fashion designers carefully calculating his sweaty, blood-covered hobo look.I'm still 100 percent certain Lady Gaga's a robotic suit controlled by a bunch of tiny bad-ass aliens, though.

One thing's sure, pretending to refute crazy conspiracy accusations is apparently a really effective way to remind me for the first time in like five years that Andrew W.K. exists. Well played Andrew, or should I say Steev Mike?

Must ... party ... party ... party ... hard.