For the record: I love my job

For the record: I love my job. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been allowed to browse punk-rock porn (“Crotch Attack,” November 1-7), devour several cheekfuls of premium ice cream (“The Race Issue,” November 8-14), and this week I liquored up the whole office courtesy of Jose Cuervo. The $42,000-question: Why don’t we have more interns?

The power of the press isn’t just about kidney-punching Republican politicans (pinch your nose and chug that runoff, Henry Bonilla — I credit Keli Dailey `“Hill Country Republican,” November 1-7` with your 2-percent shortfall). Alternative journalism is about watching the slew of Cuervo Black Medallion Tequila television advertisements, ringing up their parent company Diageo’s New York headquarters, and, 18 hours later, receiving a 750ml bottle of tequila via express mail. I’ll pat our own asses again: Good game, team, hit the showers. Cancel that. We’ll need the salty sweat for our intra-office body shots.

Despite the Cookie Monster Syllogism (looks like a brandy, smells like a brandy, must be a brandy!), Cuervo Black is Diageo’s “oak-aged signature blend” of tequila, meant not for shots but icy tumblers and cola cocktails.

Tequila and Coke? Um ...

In the pursuit of objectivity, we conducted a cross-departmental coffee-mug sampling. Why should Editorial have all the fun?

Publisher Chris Sexson: “Tastes like youthful drunken debauchery ... yucky.”

Editor Elaine Wolff: “Tastes like high school.”

Associate Editor and self-described “non-drinking pussy” Brian Villalobos: “A bottle of hangover.”

Calendar Editor Nicole Chavez: “If you like Jack and Coke, you won’t like this.”

Production’s Tony Sepulveda, the drink-anything Mikey of the office: “It’s just bad.”

Classified-advertising gigglers Laurel Lee and Christine Rosin: “Mmmmmmm ... it’s good!”

Retail Sales Manager and resident Mexican-cocktail expert Nancy Lagleder: After sipping it from a spoon, then trying the cocktail, concluded that it would be decent on its own but is gross with cola.

What’s my personal opinion? Well, I’m a big fan of tequila, and a bigger fan of Coca-Cola, so I quite enjoyed it. The cocktail was similar to a rum and coke, but with that distinctive tequila bite aftertaste, though not as sharp and dirty as I’d prefer. Methinks the Black ‘n’ Coke campaign is a somewhat arbitrary grab at the simple single-mixer cocktail market, currently dominated by Bacardi and Jack Daniels. If I may offer a suggestion, I think it might go better with soda, or make a fine Tequila Sunrise.

Hot damn, I love this job. Didn’t I see a Disaronno martini ad this week? Hmmm ...