I will not rant about how ridiculous the Oscars are going to be this year. I will not rant about how ridiculous the Oscars are going to be this year. Instead, I choose to pick on this week’s movies.
Catch and Release
Let’s begin with Catch and Release, starring two of the most irritating, um, actors, of our time: Jennifer Garner and Timothy Olyphant (I said I don’t care if he is in Deadwood). Garner is Gray Wheeler, who, from what the previews have led me to believe, is a woman recovering from the death of her fiancé by getting jiggy with Olyphant’s Fritz (ha). I’m sure there’s more to it than that.
Blood and Chocolate
Next up, Blood and Chocolate. Contrary to popular belief, not the long-awaited sequel to Like Water for Chocolate, but a tale of a lady-werewolf in love, played by Agnes Bruckner. Hugh Dancy (or as I like to call him, Prince Char) and Olivier Martinez also star.
If that doesn’t chill yeh to yer very bones, answer the call of Dead Silence, director James Wan’s first post-Saw feature. If you listen very closely, it goes like this: Come all ye brave souls, all ye who art unafraid of tongueless corpses (clearly not me, as you may surmise by The Hitcher review.
Epic Movie gets my vote for most annoying, utterly useless movie o’ the week. Expect surprises like lewd humor and lack of real comedic material (for other unwarranted cinematic satires, see feature on pg. 20). Crispin Glover (or should I say, McFly), I expected more from you.
Smokin’ Aces looks like it could be this year’s Ocean’s Eleven — hell, it’s got Andy Garcia and Matt Damon’s other half. For the official lowdown, take a gander at the review.
Notes on a Scandal
I think the only guaranteed winner this week is probably Notes on a Scandal, because after all, there’s nothing like a dame … even when she is playing a manipulative bitch. Joining Ms. Dench are the fantastic, the wonderful, Cate Blanchett and Bill Nighy.
So there. I still hold that the Academy Awards are going to blow.
— Ashley Lindstrom
Local premiere dates for limited-release films are tentative and can change at the last minute. Please check your local theater listings to confirm showtimes.