S'NUFF film

Who Wants to Get Adopted?is my pitch for a reality show. The premise is simple: A loving couple with a child-sized hole in their hearts is introduced to several orphans of the hard-to-find-homes-for variety. The children then compete in a talent show, judged (harshly) by the potential parents. ("You're not coming into our house with that acne. What if people think you're our real kid?") The best part about this show is it's yours if you want it. I'm hereby ceding all credit, profits, and eternal hellfire due me as the show's creator to you. No give-backs.

Take it to NALIP-SA's Reality TV Bootcamp, where for $25 ($20 for NALIP members) Emmy-nominated producer Luis Barreto will help you whip it into shape. The two-day workshop begins 2 p.m. Saturday, July 25, at Urban-15 (2500 S. Presa).

Once you're done ironing out the details ("Instead of a talent show, why not a bare-knuckle boxing match?"), head to Central Library (600 Soledad) 7 p.m. Tuesday for this month's San Antonio Film Forum, for tips on "Casting for Your Next Film." The title says film, but if you ask nicely I'm sure they'll discuss the finer points of auditioning waifs for public humiliation, at least until the authorities arrive.