Texas Leads The Nation In Animal-Related Deaths

Via Flickr user Photo Kent
How's this for a state slogan?

Texas: Your Leader In Animal-Related Fatalities Since 1999.

Just keep it in mind, Texas Parks and Wildlife. If nothing else, it's true — the Washington Post reported yesterday that there were 356 animal-caused fatalities in Texas between 1999 and 2013, more than any other state according to the Centers for Disease Control and Protection.

These are raw numbers, so Texas’ high ranking is definitely inflated by the number of people who live here. Other states with massive populations – California, Florida, North Carolina – follow Texas on the list.

But even though only 8 percent of the U.S. population lives in Texas, Lone Star Staters accounted for almost 12 percent of the country’s total animal deaths over this time period.

The article notes that “animal deaths in Texas are still disproportionate to its population: Texas has about 2/3rds as many people as California, but the state experienced about 150 more animal-related deaths since the late 1990s.”

So there, California. Step up your animal-death game. Or don’t, actually. It’s probably better for everyone if you don’t.

Let’s also say that such deaths, like most deaths, are tragic. And that these numbers shouldn’t incite panic: the odds of you actually dying from a panther attack or a bee sting or something like that are infinitesimally small.

Besides, most of Texas now lives in close to one of the state’s urban centers. It’s not like we have bison running around our streets or anything.

Bad example. But it’s not like we have enormous alligators just wandering through our parks.

Never mind. But still, it’s not like there are swarms of killer bees infesting our homes.

Maybe I'll just stop, and stay indoors for the rest of my life.