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ARTIFACTS 

Don’t miss Saturday’s 5th-annual Dignowity Hill Pushcart Derby, a free, all-ages race of (mostly) wooden vessels helmed by one driver and pushed by up to two helpers. Artist/teacher Cruz Ortiz organized the Derby as a “public art intervention” intended to show off the East Side as a “dynamic and safe place to live and play.” Ortiz also serves as the captain of team “Calypso.” Calypso’s arch-nemesis? Artist/SMARTfair organizer Andy Benavides, mastermind behind “Li’l General y la Familia,” who’ve taken the trophy a dispiriting four times.

“But see, I’ve been training, using several different techniques, including lifting 500 lbs of tacos instead of eating them,” says Ortiz.

“What Cruz doesn’t understand is, I got a top-secret Bowflex guy flying in from Houston,” boasts Benavides. “We’ve been doing quarter sprints against thoroughbred horses.”

Benavides adds that he’s already got the winning-team T-shirts “in production.”

“Andy Benavides will not win a fifth time!” replied the hopeful Ortiz. “Because heartbreak is driving my team.”

To which Reagan Johns, Li’l General’s primary designer and pit boss, responds: “Heartbreak is not a good engine.” 5-7 p.m. Mar 28, Dignowity Hill Park, 700 Nolan.


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