It’s official: Despite her good behavior, the Current’s had Critical Darling locked down for a year now. On what charges? Serial snark, resisting deadline, and sentence-slaughter, we imagine. But unlike those New Jersey inmates who successfully employed the ol’ Shawshank Redemption escape method, Critical Darling won’t be flying the coop anytime soon. (With cellmates like these? Are you kidding?) She’s having too much fun aiding her captors in busting cases wide open — as evidenced in the upfront portion of this issue — and playing with the promotional accoutrements of her incarceration (uh, see the Curblog @; that is, if you want to know what we really do with those Golden Compass polar-bear plushies we’re sent).

But it’s not all sunshine and stuffed animals, just so you know. Critical Darling has critics of her very own. For example, some feel she employs vulgar language too flippantly (and to that we say: Fuck off, Dad). Other readers catch her blatantly misusing certain figures of speech (We may have once said we caught a lot of “slack” instead of “flack.” Critical Darling blames Ben Folds.). Seriously though, folks: Thanks for reading. I look forward to your continued feedback in the new year. XO.

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