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Dear Uncle Mat 

My boyfriend is driving me crazy! One day he tells me that he totally loves me, and the next day he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me. He says that we don’t spend enough time with each other and we only see each other at night and it’s getting old, but whenever I try to make plans with him, he always says that he is going out with the boys. We all need to spend time with our friends, but he tells me that all the time. He tells me that I am the coolest chick that he has ever met and that I understand him and he thanks god that I am with him, but we haven’t gone out in over a month. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m really frustrated. I feel like I am the only one who is trying. I don’t know if he is with me because he hasn’t been with a girl in a while and he is just waiting for someone better to come along. In high school he never liked me and he always told me that I was ugly. So what do I do?

— Over It

Dear Over It,

If you haven’t seen him in a month and you live in the same city, he is not your boyfriend. Dump him. Now. Don’t call him, just dump him. When he calls, presuming he does, inform him that you are moving on and he should do so as well. That should be your next and last conversation with him. I don’t care if you love him. He is not lovable; he is treating you horribly. You will find a better man. Start looking now. I have a few suggestions: Date a guy who isn’t constantly “telling” you this or that. Date a guy who does things. Intention is no good without action. Definitely don’t date guys who used to call you ugly — unless it was kindergarten, because that is an acceptable flirting tactic for boys (and girls) till they are 6 years old. You can’t just demand respect and attention in a relationship, you need to create and develop it. Search for an equal, not a compromise. In the meantime, take up a new hobby and spend more time with your friends and family. Having interests will make your life more fun and might help you find a more interesting man or at least keep you from settling on the next worst thing.

Much luck in the hunt for love,

Your Uncle Mat

Our gay friends are getting married next spring, and are planning a ceremony and reception. I think this is wonderful and so does my husband. Can you answer one question? Is it illegal for them to get married? My husband says it isn’t “illegal” for two men to get married, but their marriage is “not legal.” I think that if the marriage isn’t legal and the law says two men can’t get married then it’s illegal. I am totally for it and will be at their wedding and every other gay person’s wedding I can. I hope one day it won’t be against the law, but for now, I am right, right?

— Regretfully Right

Dear Mrs. Right,

You are wrong, but you married Mr. Right. I love the idea of a gay wedding as an act of civil disobedience, though. Celebrities could flock to gay weddings all over the U.S. Except in states where it is legal, so all the super-trendy gays would move to Texas and Nebraska and Brad Pitt and Sean Penn would constantly be turning up in rural America to get their Rosa Parks on. Hell, maybe I’d get married, but I’d want Parker Posey and Edward Norton to help draw attention to my plight or fight or whatever it is I am enduring. Back to the facts. Two men or two women can do whatever they want, but the government and no one else has to recognize it. A gay wedding is purely symbolic, but not illegal, in Texas. If you were hoping to be more of a revolutionary, you might silk-screen the Bill of Rights on your wedding dress and fly it from a flagpole on the day of their wedding.

Much luck and gayety,

Your Uncle Mat

Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at dear or
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