Dear Uncle Mat 

Could a person get chlamydia in the eye? My best friend recently contracted it from her ex-girlfriend. She apparently didn’t wash her hands after they slept together and then on the way to breakfast accidentally poked me in the eye. My eye still hurts and now I think I have chlamydia. She said I am being ridiculous and insensitive about her real STD.

— What is worse than a stick in the eye?

Dear Icky Eye,

I asked my doctor friend, and she said that, yes, you can get chlamydia in the eye. You can also get gonorrhea in your eye. Gross out! Go see a doctor. Your eye may simply hurt because it was plumbed by a finger, but a sore eye is no good either way.

You might want to remind your friend about safe-sex practices and some basic hygiene. You could also get friends who are cleaner. Everywhere.

Much love and an antibiotic routine for you,

Your Uncle Mat

I live in a nice, small condo complex with 16 units, where most of the tenants are owners not renters. It is a great community, but two of my neighbors have taken up an annoying new evening pastime: Skinny-dipping in the pool. The pool is very private and I could understand an occasional moonlight dip in the buff, but these guys are out there almost every night after midnight naked. I have been trying to overlook it. They are nice guys and good neighbors. I don’t want to taint our relationship or start any drama in our small community. Then, I had company this weekend and we went swimming after we got back from being out drinking. When we went to the pool, one of the guys was there, naked, but leaving. He comes back like 30 minutes later with his partner, and though they got into the pool with their shorts on, it was only a matter of minutes before they ditched their drawers. My guests were clearly uncomfortable and it ended our little pool party. My friends and I had a good laugh about it the next day, but I just wish they would be more courteous to the rest of us. How should I speak to them about it? Should I ask other neighbors how they feel? I don’t want to be a gossip, though. Also, they are renters not owners, and I would hate to see them evicted. It is hard to find good neighbors that fit in a small community like ours.

— Overexposed

Dear Reluctant Voyeur,

How are they good neighbors if you have to see them naked when you don’t want to? It seems that they don’t really fit in if they are nudists. A community pool is not the place for naked sexy times. It isn’t wrong to ask your other neighbors how they feel about it; that isn’t gossiping. The offense is taking place in a community area, not their private home. It is a small community, so maybe no one else has been out for a late swim. Of course, you might discover that everyone else is a nudist and you’re the odd duck.

Is there a homeowners’ association or something for your complex? There are probably bylaws or rules, maybe even some that already address your concern. If not, maybe it is time to instate a few. You could institute the old tie-on-the-door-handle trick you used in college to indicate the presence of a “guest” in the dorm room, but the easiest rule would be to require swimsuits. If they break it once in a great while, so be it, but not every night.

Posting rules without discussing the issue with the skinny-dippers in advance may make them feel alienated and judged. I believe the best answer is to approach them personally and ask that they swim clothed when there are other swimmers present. If it doesn’t take or causes a rift, then use the previous plan. Maybe they will have to go. There are nice neighbors and then there are nice neighbors who keep their clothes on in public.

Much love and less skin,

Your Uncle Mat

(BTW – be careful with the after-bar swims; drowning drunk makes you look stupid).

Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at
dearunclemat@sacurrent.com or Myspace.com/yourunclemat. Your true identity is safe with him.


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