Dear Uncle Mat

I wrote to you last year regarding my own personal problems involving women upon entering my senior year. Now a proud high-school graduate, I can say your advice helped to make my last year one not completely lacking female promiscuity. That said, I’m writing you with a new question, seeing as you were very helpful last time.

A friend of mind showed me an entry from an article online which offered an explanation for why many women are attracted to the jerk rather than the nice guy:

“It’s not because women like jerks. Women prefer polite over rude, and attentive over distracted. The problem is the way nice guys present these positive characteristics. In order to appear friendly and romantic, these ‘nice guys’ think they have to turn off their sexuality. They hide their desires in order not to offend, presenting an androgynous, asexual persona. The first impression they give is one of emasculation, weakness, and lack of desire. At best, they confuse the woman as to whether they even find her attractive. That’s what jerks offer women that nice guys don’t: They’re not afraid to be sexual.”

Upon reading this, it immediately made sense, and seemed to be the plausible truth, but from what I’ve learned through experience when it comes to being sexual with women, one of two things happen. Either the women become disgusted and creeped out, labeling you a pervert, or they are fairly amused, but then never take you seriously, especially when it comes to romantic engagement.

Now, I also started to think that maybe It was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t “doing it right” in some way.

So, even though I know you don’t have some master formula for how to balance your sexuality in conversation with women, I was wondering what your opinion on the whole theory is, and if any, what basic rules could you offer to anyone debating the mechanics to such an approach. 

— A Charlie Brown Who Still Has Some Balls 

Dear Charlie With Balls,

I am delighted to hear that my advice helped you get a little action during your senior year. Well done! I think you will definitely enjoy college. Now I will share with you the precise master formula for scoring chicks. It is an ancient Chinese secret passed down from gay man to gay man over the centuries. You can also read it on the back of a Calgon box: Women (excluding most lesbians) want dick, you just have to sell it.

Just kidding. Kind of.

If I had to pick one mostly universal attribute of non-threatening appeal, it would be “charming.” It is gentlemanly, yet has an undercurrent of sex appeal. I agree that a guy can overcompensate with the graciousness and end up appearing uninterested or even asexual, but graciousness can also be a key ingredient in “irresistible.” Just employ a balance, as you mentioned. Make sure the lady knows you are interested, but treat her with respect. This is what we call flirting. You have to learn how to read women and respond accordingly. Use your past experiences to help guide you. Never be crass with a woman until you know she’s a freak and likes that. You don’t know she likes it till she says she does or you’ve already done it, and even then make sure she said she likes it before you whisper nasty nothings in her ear.

Until you know a woman you’re interested in well enough to be totally forward, make your advances direct yet not trashy. You are trying to have an intimate date, not pick up a hooker. Be physical, but not gropey. If you grab her tit the first time you give her a kiss, she is going to slap your ass and call you a perve. Unless she’s totally easy and then she’ll slap your actual ass and call you naughty.

Movies are another awesome way to get ideas. Mostly ideas you shouldn’t try because in real life there is no script for the woman to follow. But knowing what not to do is more helpful than suggestions for what to do in this type of situation. Learn from others and fiction, and make up the rest on your way.  

Much charm and luck,

Your Uncle Mat 

Uncle Mat answers questions about relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at [email protected], yourunclemat, or check out the Dear Uncle Mat Page on Facebook. Your true identity is safe with him.

Scroll to read more San Antonio News articles
Join the San Antonio Current Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state.
Help us keep this coverage going with a one-time donation or an ongoing membership pledge.


Join SA Current Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.