Dear Uncle Mat 

What do you do if in the past you have received alcohol-related citations — as you will in your life here on planet earth unless you’re not human — and you stand in front of four tickets still pending and the judge comes up with 18 more? This is what happened to me in the recent past. The judge couldn’t tell the old tickets, which were supposed to have been taken care of already, so he added up all of my old tickets with my recent ones. I even offered him my ‘green sheet’ one receives upon being released from the ‘county motel’ and he still couldn’t, or didn’t attempt to, tell the ‘old tickets’ from the new ones. Now I’m expected to perform community service for all 22 tickets by the 21st, as ordered by perhaps just one of the most crooked judges in San Antonio. Who can go over a judge’s decision, even after it may be a little late in being acted on? How is one supposed to know just who to go to in such a situation?

— Alphaomega 

Dear Alphaomega,

OK, so I like to think of myself as very human. But some past alcohol-related embarrassments notwithstanding — waking up with strange men, extended liaisons with even stranger men, and instigating the most retarded fight two 17-year-olds have ever participated in at a trashy motel parking lot in downtown San Antonio — I am still certain alcohol-related citations are not mandatory. Not one, four, or 22. We’ll get back to that topic after I recommend a few avenues of assistance for your legal woes.

You need a lawyer, or at least some good legal advice, to start you in the right direction. If this is not in your budget or you have only a small allotment after allowing for the alcohol purchases that feed the issue, there are a few options for searching out advice and representation. The San Antonio Bar Association Pro Bono Project can be reached at (210) 227-8822. You can also call the State of Texas Legal Services Center at (512) 477-6000. Both offer referral services and some basic advice over the phone. I found this and other helpful information at

Injustice is what makes life seem unfair and without it a truly fair life would seem unfulfilling. Unfortunately, crooked, corrupt, or just plain incompetent judges are not a new or uncommon plague. This is a potentially serious issue, and I am referring your story to our editor. The media can be a great resource in battling injustice in our local government. You should also consider writing a well thought out and respectful letter to your councilman and other representatives within local and state government.

Looking into the nature of your drinking habits will definitely help you personally and might impress others you intend to enlist in your battle to right the wrongs you have encountered in our penal system. Do you believe in karma? Or maybe a sign from God, or that bad luck isn’t always bad luck but rather a product of your own actions built up over time? Twenty-two alcohol-related citations is not normal or average or a byproduct of the human existence. If it is the standard among your friends and family, you need a new calling circle, dude. I can’t say that you’re an alcoholic, but I will say that you have a drinking problem and some seriously poor judgment.

You need a new perspective on your situation. If you believe you may be an alcoholic and want help, contact AA at (210) 828-6235. They meet all the time all over the city, and it’s free. If you don’t think you are an alcoholic, at least try a little counseling. Call the Family Service Association, (210) 299-2400, United Way 211, or reach out to your church or community center of preference. Let someone from outside your immediate world help you sort out the unhealthy and disruptive cycle that keeps landing you in trouble.

Good luck amending your legal situation. Maybe your efforts will help others with the same problem in the system.

Much love, luck, and some personal clarity,

Your Uncle Mat

Uncle Mat answers questions about
relationships, sex, pets, and art. Email him at,
yourunclemat, or check out the Dear Uncle Mat Page on Facebook. Your true identity is safe with him.

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