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Don't Trust Him America: The Historic Case Against Bush's Spying Powers 

Who hasn’t found herself in a quagmire with a pathological lover who comes home at 3 a.m. wearing just one sock (“Baby, I left with only one.”) and sweating Lady Stetson (“Baby, don’t you trust me?”) and swearing he didn’t bed down with some skank from club Anthro? A duplicitous dirty bastard will always deny, deny, deny. But by a certain time in life, we Escaladies learn we deserve better and should shake off anyone who preys on our trust.

Maybe that’s why on August 17 Anna Diggs Taylor, a judge with a Detroit federal court, issued the first and only federal ruling that said President Bush was no good, his state-secrets privilege was bullshit, and the warrantless-wiretapping program he secretly authorized in 2001 was an illegal violation of our nation’s faith in democracy.

In the ACLU’s case against the National Security Agency, Judge Taylor wrote in her opinion that “there are no hereditary kings in America,” and until the Constitution says it’s OK (no one has burgled the delicate parchment at the National Archives and erased the part about unreasonable search and seizures or privacy and free speech, s’far as we know) or unless the FISA court created in 1978 to authorize such surveillance has full knowledge of Bush’s sketchy skeet-skeet behavior, neither he nor the NSA (nor suspected hometown colluder AT&T) have the right to fuck around with American’s phone data and email records behind our back. Sister girl put unconstitutional-spying powers in check! But the government has appealed, and until that judgment is rendered some time next year, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit has allowed the program to continue. (There are only three women on the 22-person appeals court — and normally cases are heard before a three-judge panel. So let’s keep our fingers crossed that an estrogen-fueled judiciary gets to deliberate. Or that the wives of the other appeals judges go on a Lysistrata sex strike to get them to give up their dangerously unvigilant ways.)

p.s. By December, the Justice Department finally said it would investigate its romance with the NSA.

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Speaking of Special, 2006 Almanack

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