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Get a Real Job, San Antonio: Be a Wildlife Specialist 

This could be you, just maybe wear some gloves. - FLICKR CREATIVE COMMONS
  • Flickr Creative Commons
  • This could be you, just maybe wear some gloves.
Whether you've got one or you need one, jobs can be a drag. So in a new San Antonio Current feature, we scan local job boards to find a real gig you could have that you may never have thought of.

This week: grab your best raccoon-catching gloves and prepare to wrangle some critters as a wildlife specialist, as advertised by this Craigslist post.

Texas collectively prides itself on its sense of untamed wildness — provided that it stays where it's supposed to be, and doesn't encroach on the state's ever-expanding suburban landscapes.

But mammals and other fauna can get out of line sometimes — at least from a human’s perspective. And that’s when you need to call in some sort of animal-catchin' expert — a wildlife specialist, if you will. That’s a job you can have.

Premier Animal Removal posted a job on Craigslist late last week for a “highly motivated Wildlife Specialist.” From reading the ad, it sounds like the gig is basically doing whatever it takes to fetch a critter from a space where it’s not wanted. Here’s the full description of the job:

Premier Animal Removal is a wildlife removal company operating throughout Texas. Our objective is the safe removal and relocation of wildlife such as opossums, raccoons, bats, squirrels, rats, etc. from residential and commercial properties.

We are a major corporation here to provide the support and guidance our employees need to be successful in this industry. We are currently expanding our team and in search of a very positive, highly motivated Wildlife Specialist.

The Wildlife Specialist is an upper level position primarily responsible for first response to emergency and routine wildlife situations, sales and upsells, thorough inspections, client care and communication, payment collection, record keeping, exclusion work and the removal and relocation of animals. The position also entails getting on ladders and roofs, accessing attics/crawlspaces and using tools to do exclusionary work.

What concerns me most about the ad is the “etc.” at the end of the list of animals one could remove. Raccoons and squirrels are one thing, but “etc.” leaves a lot of wiggle room for bears, jaguars and chupacabras. Maybe that’s overly dramatic, maybe that’s perfectly reasonable; I’ll let the bears decide.

On the other hand, the job comes with benefits, a uniform, and pays between $12 and $14 per hour plus commission. So not a bad deal for having to face down all manner of vicious mammals. Just know that you could be getting into some hairy situations:

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January 12, 2022

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