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How to Survive the Purportedly 'Arctic' Weather Expected in San Antonio This Weekend 

Possibly Woodlawn Lake this weekend. - REUSABLEART.COM
  • Possibly Woodlawn Lake this weekend.

On Tuesday, the NWS twitter account for Austin and San Antonio tweeted, "Spring like temperatures Thursday and Friday followed by a strong arctic cold front Saturday and much colder over the weekend. Wind chill values Saturday night will drop into the teens and 20s."

Your questions have been anticipated and answered below.

How arctic is arctic?
At the time of writing it is 16 degrees Fahrenheit in Nuuk, Greenland. The real question is whether a resident of Nuuk will be colder at 16 degrees than a San Antonian at 50 degrees. Experts disagree.

Could I actually die?
Definitely. Your body will basically shut down if your internal temperature hits 80 degrees. So if you went and sat in a river this weekend, that might happen faster than normal.

Do I need to buy out all the tortillas at H-E-B in order to survive?
If you take the extra precaution of changing your tires to snow tires and then add chains onto the snow tires, it might be safe to travel to H-E-B to buy all of the tortillas. The Current recommends going no faster than 25 miles per hour.

Can I really trust "experts" about the weather?
It's an open question. My weather app said it is raining right now, and it's not. The shady umbrella lobby is notoriously active during El Niño. You do the math.

Are we allowed to do things in San Antonio when it is cold?
Probably not.

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January 12, 2022

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