How to Tell If You're a Damn Bro 

First, an apology: Sorry it took two months for us to get to Saytown’s own 51 Acres and their new album, Thousand Miles Away

First, an apology: Sorry it took two months for us to get to Saytown’s own 51 Acres and their new album, Thousand Miles Away. It’s a well-recorded, fluid work, which is saying a lot for a band best known for its live performances. I’ll admit, though, I’m not the sort of music fan who can get into these heirs to the jam-rock throne previously occupied by Dave Matthews Band and Phish. Instead, here’s a questionaire to determine how much you will appreciate the album. I call it, “How to Tell if You’re A Damn Bro, V1.0 .”

` ` I am male. (1 point)

` ` My default exclamation of disbelief is “Damn, bro!” (2 points)

` ` I discovered early1990s music in the early 2000s. (2 points)

` ` I had a Bob Marley “Legends” poster on my dorm-room wall. (1 point)

` ` I don’t own an acoustic guitar, but I can play Creedence
    Clearwater Revival on one. (1 point)

` ` I won’t admit it, but I prefer VH1 to MTV. (2 points)

` ` My car stereo is tuned to Mix 96.1 FM. (2 points)

` ` I’ve driven across the state to see Dave Matthews Band,
    Counting Crows, or Blues Traveler. (3 points)

` ` I am frequently seen wearing a hemp bracelet, cargo shorts, or
    a baseball cap that doesn’t advertise a baseball team. (1 point each)

` ` I respect Phish, but I don’t have the attention span for them. (1 point)

` ` I own more Pearl Jam live bootlegs than actual Pearl Jam albums. (2 points)

` ` I moved to Texas from Oklahoma, Kansas, or Nebraska. (1 point)

` ` I miss Lollapalooza. (1 point)

` ` I’ve worked at (a) a gated-apartment-community rental office,
    (b) a promotions stand for a beer company,
    (c) a summer camp. (1 point each)

` ` This year, my girlfriend bought me a new bong or
    a new set of bongos. (2 points each)

` ` Oakley sunglasses are dope. (1 point)

` ` I got a tattoo in college, but you can only see it when I have
    my shirt off ... which is pretty much always. (1 point)

` ` I have already seen 51 Acres live. (1 point)



30 – 35 points. Damn, bro, that’s the dope groove. Where’s my harmonica?

25 – 30 points. Do I file this under F for 51, or D for “Damn, Bro!”?

15 – 25 points. Dawg, why buy it when I can just see them live tonight,
                         tomorrow night, the night after, and so on, until the Grateful Dead rise again?

0 –15.               Genero-jam just ain’t my thing.

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