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Spittin' Game 

Dear EA Sports,

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Tiger Woods
PGA Tour 07
EA Sports
Xbox 360, Xbox,

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2K Sports
Xbox 360, Xbox, PS2

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NBA Live 07
EA Sports
Xbox 360, Xbox, PSP, PS2, PC, Mobile
Dear EA Sports,

I can only assume this is somehow your fault. This year, you have the most ridiculously extensive player-creation system I’ve ever seen. I could probably devote more time to developing my character career mode than it would take for me to actually join the PGA tour. However, I spend almost all my time in the game teeing off into the crowd, hoping to hit guys in the balls. What is wrong with your game? I’ve analyzed it, and I don’t think the problem is the goofy nut-clutching animation the now-infertile spectator goes through after getting a 300-yard drive right in the old fairway. That never gets old. The real problem here is Tiger’s face: He never gets angry at my intentionally out-of-bounds shots; he just looks disappointed. He seems to be restraining himself from completely losing it, likely because, after the hundredth missed shot, he suspects I have some sort of learning disability. Please develop a patch making Tiger’s expression less hilarious so I can finish a round of golf in less than 200 strokes.

It helps to think of this year’s major basketball games as girls. 2K7, with its brilliant “shot stick” and demanding but rewarding ball-control scheme, is the perfect long-term girlfriend: deep, and constantly challenging you to become a better person. NBA Live, with its pretty, pretty next-gen graphics and instantly rewarding but shallow gameplay, is the hot girl you would invite over when the less-attractive 2K7 is out of town.

If you can look past the PS2-launch-title-caliber graphics, 2K7’s the better game, but the ugliness is hard to ignore. Some of the players seriously look like zombies with pituitary gland issues. At first glance, I wondered if 2K7 was some kind of NBA/Land of the Dead crossover game, which was scary, because that would mean 2K Sports has been reading my mind.

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November 18, 2020

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