Spittin’ Game 

Turning Point:
The Fall of Liberty

(Codemasters)
Playstation 3
$59.99

Turning Point presents an alternate universe in which the Nazis took over Europe and are now attacking America. It might be chilling if the backstory weren’t so stupid: Winston Churchill was killed before the war began, thus allowing Hitler to take over Britain. Seriously? A little death wouldn’t have stopped old Winnie C from bitchslapping der Fuehrer. Hitler would’ve got his ass handed to him by Zombie Winston Churchill instead. Had Codemasters made that the focus of Turning Point it would’ve automatically been the best game of all time.

Instead, you get to play as an unzombified New York City construction worker, mostly fleeing the invading Bavarian hordes like a damn Frenchman. Perhaps the most glaring historical inaccuracy, though, is that it looks and plays like a bargain-bin Sega Dreamcast title. You spend more time falling off of stuff because of poor control and getting lost and shot in the back thanks to unclear objectives and sucky graphics. If you don’t mind ugly visuals and primitive control schemes, just replay Wolfenstein 3-D, which at least has the decency to let you fight Hitler in a robot suit. What it might’ve lacked in Undead Winston Churchill, it more than made up for with Hitler in a mech suit.

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Bully: Scholarship Edition
(Rockstar)
Xbox 360
$59.99

If my high-school experience had consisted of egging prefects, beating up jocks, and making out with non-inflatable girls, I might be a happy well-adjusted adult now. Instead I get Bully, the $60 therapy session that allows all of us the chance to be the tough kid. As pathetic as that probably sounds, Bully is an extremely cool game, adapting the sweet sandbox play of the Grand Theft Auto series from city streets to a small-town boarding school. Xbox owners who haven’t played the PS2 version will probably not be disappointed. Widespread reports of technical glitches in the game are a concern, but a downloadable patch has been released.

SURF’S
UP>> A PITHY GUIDE TO RIDING THE WEB

postcardsfrommymomma.com: Ever wonder if other moms bug their children via internet as much as your mom bugs you? Read what moms say to their children in emails, random thoughts and letters — because you never call home. Moms digress on all kinds of subjects including how happy they are that grandma finally passed the driving test and their first foray into the land of low-rise jeans.


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