The Que Que

So the pack of smokes didn’t exactly fall into your pocket on their ownsome, and you were jogging across the street from mid-block, and maybe Against Me! in your earbuds did make it kind of hard to hear Johnny Law roll up on you with a firmly worded “Halt” – but there was no mistaking the jet-black 800-round-per-minute ArmaLite rifle giving you a hard gaze.

You could feel the warmth spread across the front of your jeans as your knees instinctively sought the ground.

While SAPD has issued dozens of such rifles to date, a daily bulletin sent to the troops recently by Chief McManus states he has approved the “on-duty carrying of approved, privately-owned long guns.”

As the details are worked out, don’t expect an assortment of AKs, Bushmasters, or M-4s to pop up in cop grips just yet. Sgt. Gabe Treviño says the order only applies to the already-utilized ArmaLite 15. The use of automatic weapons by police-forces has been increasing across the country in the wake of several high-profile shoot-outs where officers found themselves out-gunned, he said.

“This is an officer-safety issue,” said Treviño. “We’re dealing with people that have AK-47s — and the community expects us to be able to protect them.”

While AR-15s can switch between semi-, auto, and three-round burst settings, depending on model, there is no stun setting, Mr. Sulu.

Wild kingdom

With the return of star-counting, consciousness-warping Quetzalcoatl predicted by Mayan calendars for 2012, the human rat race will settle into a multi-dimensional paradise. Of course, we’ll walk through hell to get there, according to some interpretations of the Second (Third? Fourth?) Coming.

Queque suspected that the city’s animal pound particulars had some mystic knowledge of this event when they established 2012 as the year for attainment of “No Kill” status for all sheltered animals. That they would simply cross their legs and wait for the Return while leaving it to the Feathered Serpent to right the community wrongs done to our furry companions.

However, it seems there are changes-gonna-come in the here and now.

New protections for area companion animals went into effect last week, meaning: animal abusers can no longer leave their animals tied in yards overnight or in bad weather; homeless dogs and cats gain protections same as “wanted” animals under the law; punishable cruelty can be applied to accidents, no intention needed; and owners of renegade dogs can be charged with a third-degree felony – a second-degree felony if the attack results in death. Scumbags be warned.

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