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The Right's Catch-22 on Gun Control 

If we are ever to have a real debate about gun control, conservative right wing republicans are going to have to do something they haven’t done for quite some time. Confront many of their long held arguments on the meaning of the 2nd amendment and dispel their own hypocrisy. They’ll have to finally admit that the right to bear arms is not (in their opinion) about militias, hunting, the NRA lobby, or even protecting us from another unnecessary bad remake of the movie Red Dawn. They’ll have to publicly admit just how they actually feel. That the 2nd amendments right to bear arms – guarantee’s the people’s ability to protect themselves from the possibility of a tyrannical American government. (and NOT the potential scenario where Charlie Sheen, Patrick Swayze, Leah Thompson, and Jennifer Grey use guerrilla tactics against an invading horde of communists... that hope is as dead as well... Patrick Swayze.) Left leaning liberals don’t have this problem. Standing up and saying “this is wrong” or “something has to be done to stop this from ever happening again” are inherently correct and match up perfectly with their ideology. The anti-gun lobbies have the moral integrity of their convictions to lead them through any debate and it’s hard to argue against them for that very reason. Can the Far Right say the same? As of now, on the negotiating table, the Left has put the bodies of twenty dead kids and a ban on assault-style rifles. The Right has counter offered with a notarized letter stating “Fuck you, queers!” and a petition to deport CNN’s Piers Morgan. So far, no one has budged from their respected sides – and nor can they. Not until the Right admits once and for all, that they just don’t trust the American Government. Unfortunately, the Right will never fully admit to this. Not completely. The Right can never publicly embrace this idea because it cripples the narrative they’ve worked so hard to cultivate. That they, and they only, are the party that best represents our Founding Fathers. Built on tea bagging, enemies at the gate, and good ol’ traditional Christian values (while ignoring the fact that the Founding Fathers were mostly immigrant, anti theist, ‘shit-starters’ with progressive new ideas). But now it’s time to let it all out my right wing friends and face up to the hard questions that come with fierce constitutional patriotism. Sure it’s easy to slap that ‘Support the Troops’ magnet right next to the ‘PRO LIFE, PRO GOD, PRO GUN’ bumper sticker... but can fire that same gun at those same troops when they come to enforce what you consider an infringement of a constitutional right? The one you thought they were fighting to protect? It’s one thing to stand up for veterans but can you stand up to them as well? The emotional liberal leftist doesn’t have to emotionally face this scenario. They attribute gun violence with guns. It’s simple and it feels right. The idea of bigger government doesn’t quite bother them because – as the Right’s been saying for years – “They want Big Brother in all our lives!” You're fucked here Right Wingers – painted yourselves in a corner with the blood of twenty dead kids and there’s only one way out. Admit publicly that you need weapons to defend yourselves against the tyranny and oppression of authority. Strive to keep government out of people’s lives, especially for all those poor homosexuals who would like to get married. We don’t need "Big Brother" getting involved with legislation in something as personal as the expression of love, right? That would be invasive! Put some shine on that AK-47 and call out your representatives to repeal ‘The National Defense Authorization Act’, a bill that wipes its ass with the 4th Amendment by allowing the military to detain U.S. citizens on U.S. soil indefinitely and without trial. (Especially for those citizens who don’t believe in the ‘right to bear arms’ you’ve been so busy clamoring about) Demand that the freedom of speech not be infringed when people you disagree with speak out. Load your weapon so as not one person can be denied the right to say publicly “A fetus is not a human being!” or “Wanting America to ban assault weapons & high-capacity magazines isn’t ‘anti-constitutional’ – it’s called ‘common sense’. #GunControlNow — @piersmorgan” Stop being a bunch of pussy’s and commit to real constitutional values you bastard sons of Britannia. Defend to the death these freedoms. Take up arms and proudly yell in the spirit of Patrick Henry “Give me liberty, or give me death!” – or at the very least Patrick Swayze... “Wolverines!” Then maybe, just possibly, we can have an honest and civilized debate.  


Swiss Army Robot is the random bits of written chaos of Jay Whitecotton. You can find him on Facebook or follow him at

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