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Voldemort votes Republican 

I shan’t commence discussing my stance on the Harry Potter films thus far — I’ll drain their begotten joy faster than a dementor’s kiss (then you can cast your Patronus! Weee!). But something about the casting of #5, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, struck me as fitting: Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange. It’s so right. Alas, even Tim Burton’s babymama can’t rouse my enthusiasm.

Of course, if there is one thing I could care less about than a series of movies that won’t make sense to our grandchildren (who won’t have read the books to help them fill in the plot gaps of their cinematic counterparts … crap) it is Roland Joffe’s torture flick, Captivity. Producer Courtney Solomon recently boasted to the New York Times about the “nasty” party he’s planned for the premiere. Yes, complete with, oh my hell! Suicide Girls! Y-A-W-N.

Ben Kingsley dons an unconvincing Polish accent for the unconvincing dark comedy You Kill Me, which opens at the Bijou this Friday. Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, I’m just summarizing John DeFore’s review on page 24.

Also at the Bijou: Chalk, an improvised antithesis to The League of Extraordinary Super-Teachers movies. If something rings true through Chalk’s cloud of sarcasm, I’ll bet it’s owed to the fact that the film’s writers are former teachers themselves. The Bijou will host a Q&A with the cast and crew on Saturday, July 14. Call for more info.

Have a nice week, Wrappers. If you don’t mind, I’d like to close with an appropriate bumper-sticker quotation: Voldemort votes Republican.

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