You Turn Me On 

Best local radio talk-show host
Lisle & Hahn
99.5 KISS FM
Morning’s talk-radio horse race kinked about on the fringes this year, but the undisputed SA-debased middle-school humorists can keep their gleaming throne (and bristled throne cleaner) for another year: Lisle & Hahn reign supreme and kiss their lucky stars and bars that Kidd Chris loiters in Philly still. Several of you also commented on the recent management decision to move Chris Duel off the news rant at KTSA into tamer waters with comments such as “RIP” and “Mistake to move him.”

2. Tie:

Joe "pags" Pagliarulo
WOAI 1200 AM
radio.woai.com

Chris Duel
formerly with KTSA 550AM
now on ESPN 1250AM

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Best radio station, news
Texas Public Radio
89.1 FM KSTX
tpr.org

To get the best of National Public Programming interstiched with Alamo City happenings, Current readers risk almost certain gospel exposure at the dial’s low end of 89.1. But it’s all good. Intelligent (no ranting) talk and call-in shows you’ve come to love over decades of liberal indoctrination such as Diane “Polite Pause” Rehm’s show and (our favorite) the hubby-and-wife tag-teaming Texas Matters with David Martin Davies and Yvette Benavides. (True Fact: NPR listeners were less likely to believe Saddam played Anal Park with Super Terrormeister bin Laden. Tune in. Get disillusioned.)

2. 1200 AM WOAI
radio.woai.com

3. 550 AM KTSA
ktsa.com

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Best Radio Station, Music
KSYM 90.1 FM
accd.edu/sac/ksym

With its four-hour daily dose of Third Coast Network programming, KSYM delivers some of the best regional and roots-oriented music found on the SA airwaves. Throw in popular weekend shows such as Brian Parrish’s freewheeling “The Casbah,” Richard Turner’s eternally fab “Best of the Beatles,” and Hank Harrison’s time-tripping “Hillbilly Hit Parade,” and you have a consistently good reason to listen to local radio.

2. KRTU 91.7 FM
krtu.org

3. KISS 99.5 FM
kissrocks.com

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Least Trashy Evening News
KENS 5
mysanantonio.com

The dream team of local nightly news, KENS 5 offers the comedic Ron Burgundy routines of Chris Marrou, the warmth and family-oriented advice tidbits of Sarah Lucero, the lunch-pail aesthetic of Joe “Six Pack” Reinagel, and the affability of Bill “Stormy Weather” Taylor. They’re a team in the best sense, but Marrou will always be first among equals, cracking wise and puzzling us with his hairline. Stay classy, KENS 5!

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Finest local columnist
Cary Clack
San Antonio Express-News
From the legacies of our great orators — JFK and MLK — through mundanities of turn signals and being called the wrong name, to the severities of war dead in Iraq and Afghanistan, Clack gathers his facts and arranges them with tasteful sprigs of neighborliness and civility. In an era of bash radio and scorched-earth blogging, it’s nice to know the voice of friendly reminders still has a place with us. Of course, we only catch him when we really spread out the paper. By the time we’re done with Metro we’re typically heading out the door. Are Clack’s coattails really wide enough to bring needed eyeballs into Features? Time will tell.

2. Carlos Guerra
San Antonio Express-News

3. Jim Beale Jr.
San Antonio Express-News

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Most Pro News Anchor
TIE
Chris Marrou
KENS 5
mysanantonio.com

Randy Beamer
WOAI News 4
woai.com

Chris Marrou is like one of those crusty soap-opera actors who hang around for about 40 years and look like kind of lost next to the young hardbodies around them, but can’t be fired, because the old-school fans would riot. In a desperate attempt to prove his sense of humor, Marrou made an ill-advised joke about the stars of Brokeback Mountain receiving “best actress awards,” and has been known to hand out cookies to rush-hour motorists. Not that he’s gimmicky or anything.
By comparison, WOAI’s Randy Beamer is a straight-ahead newscaster who likes handling the camera and has delivered eyewitness reports from places as distant as Iraq and Sri Lanka.

2. Ursula Pari
KSAT 12
ksat.com

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Most Accurate Weather(wo)man
Steve Browne
KSAT 12
ksat.com

courtesy

There are two types of weather people. One group, like the character Nicole Kidman played in To Die For, view Doppler radar and precipitation forecasts as nothing more than an easy ticket to a television career. The other group actually live to talk about meteorological issues. KSAT’s Steve Brown falls into the latter category. After all, this is a guy who read the daily weather report over his school’s PA system every morning when he was in junior high! A meteorologist with experience in Boston, Atlanta, and Cleveland, he’s been the backbone of the KSAT team for the last 16 years.

2. Jennifer Broome
WOAI 4
woai.com

3. Maclorio Perez
WOAI 4
woai.com

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Most Entertaining Sportscaster
Greg Simmons
KSAT 12
ksat.com

Greg Simmons is the silver-haired old pro of San Antonio TV sports news. An Alamo City native with a cool tone of assurance and a dry sense of humor, he can convince you that the Spurs’ latest slump is no cause for worry, and guide you through the maze of local high-school football. Best of all, his Sunday night “Instant Replay” show is the most informative 30 minutes of sports coverage to be found in SA.

2. Jennifer Reinagel
KENS 5
mysanantonio.com

3. Don Harris
WOAI 4
woai.com

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Best Local Blogger
Emvergeoning.com

Emvergeoning blew away the competition with a whopping fo … well, suffice it to say: Take that Mark Jones. The Aaron Forland-invented title, which sounds a little like a conglomeration of emerging and burgeoning and a bit more like slang for hymen-reconstruction surgery, has been providing meaningful coverage of local and national arts since mid-December ’06, by founder Ben Judson’s approximation. Judson, along with (Current contributing photographer) Justin Parr, and Emvergeoning’s most recent addition, Bunnyphonic, have created a place to spotlight the interesting discourse occurring in SA’s art community, and to act as an entryway of sorts for newbies/non-artists/artist-groupies.

2. Mark Jones
On The Street
sacurrent.com

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Best Local YouTuber
Splat Pat & Splat TV
youtube.com/user/SPLATTV2

courtesy

If the affinities of 39-year-old Pisces/male Splat TV weren’t apparent in his work, the “hobbies and interests” portion of his YouTube page, which reads: “BACKING UP THE BLAZIN' BANDITAS REBEL ROLLER DERBY TEAM!!” should make things apparent. Splat TV’s oeuvre also includes videos of More Fire and Sweet Scull. Get the big picture at myspace.com/SPLATTV.

Um, word to the wise, I wouldn’t steal this dude’s bike, or you could be the victim of “SOME KIND OF BRUCE LEE, CHUCK NORRIS FLYING SIDE KICK” as you’re called a “FUCKIN' PUSSY” many, many times.

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Best local website
Mysa.com

With video news on demand courtesy of KENS5, and a smorgasbord of news-of-the-day content from the X-News contingent, Current readers selected mysa.com as their favorite local website again this year. Sure, you can catch your weather updates, scroll used car pics and traffic updates from around the commutersphere at this confab creation, but readers also noticed the rising news, bloggin’, and chisme content, with streaming local musicians, at the Current site this year, dubbing it their second stop on the web. Keep clicking, netizens. We are being digitized.

2. sacurrent.com
3. sasports.com

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Best Hook-up site
MySpace.com

Oh, dear. Just as long as you’re hooking up with friends of friends and not random strangers, San Antonio. You know, because I hear the Murdoch-owned MySpace is actually a great place to hook up with evil moms who’re just posing as hot guys in order to destroy you. One can’t be too careful. And a word of advice: Beware the self-taken photograph. One per person folks, or we’ll be wondering exactly how much time you spend snapping pix of yourself. Just because we slap the Current’s mug onto our Space each week …

2. Craigslist.org
3. Adultfriendfinder.com