Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Douche City: San Antonio ranks a dubious third in d-bags

Posted By on Wed, Mar 12, 2014 at 2:27 PM

So many rankings, so little time! Just yesterday San Antonio landed high on a list that's even less desirable than "least literate" or "apartment boomtown." I am sorry to inform you, folks, that San Antonio is the third "douchiest" city in America, according to credible polling source/real-estate blog Estately.

But, something seems suspicious about this data. My first clue (aside from the entire concept) was the cutesy spelling of "douchie,"—all serious students of douchebag phenomenon know the correct spelling of this non-word is "douchey." Douchie just sounds like a cleansing aid for pubescent girls.

My second clue was the suspicious massing of douchebags in cities with large Hispanic populations, like us. The other top 10 cities were (in order): Laredo, El Paso, San Antonio, Aurora (Colo.), Corpus Christi, Glendale (Ariz.), Colorado Springs, Milwaukee, Toledo (Ohio) and Norfolk (Va.)

My third clue was that all this "data" was  collected from the following Facebook interests of male users in each city:

Nickelback

click to enlarge nickelback_perth_arena_17_11_2012_8261243276jpg

Monster Energy

click to enlarge 640px-monster_energy_original_flavors_plus_absolute_zerojpg

Axe (brand)

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Don Ed Hardy

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Vin Diesel

giphy

Chris Brown

click to enlarge 640px-chris_brown_7_2012jpg

Tosh.0

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Mixed Martial Arts

MarquardtMaia

Bluetooth

imagesjpg

Dane Cook

click to enlarge dane_cook_uso_3_cropjpg

 

It's hard to argue that that's not some douche-tastic criteria right there, and seemingly equal-opportunity as well. However, finding accurate numbers based on Facebook "likes" isn't too easy. My web programmer husband spent more than 30 minutes trying to fact-check the data using Facebook's API last night and the best he could find was "more than 1,000" likes for a particular criteria in a particular city. Plus, who the hell lists "bluetooth" as an interest on their Facebook page? Not to say there isn't a way to get more granular, but that was the max my husband would devote to it, after all Tosh.0 was about to start ... (UPDATE: The Estately crew told my husband they were able to get these results via Facebook's ad targeting.)

Still intrigued this morning, of the top 10 "douchiest" cities, I found via census data that all but one had much higher percentages of black and Hispanic residents than their state averages (the exception being Colorado Springs, which may be the one believable douchebag hub as it's home to not only the U.S. Air Force Academy, but a vast number of hardcore social conservatives as well).

Don't ask me to parse that. I can only say that I have a really hard time believing that Hispanics are that much more into MMA and Dane Cook than the rest of Americans.

Among the least douchey cities, most had either high percentages of Asians (Fremont, San Francisco, Seattle) or lower than state average Hispanic residents (D.C).

The only race that didn't seem to affect douchebag results: caucasians. How douchey.

 

 

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